Is he an alcoholic?

[Callmewhateveryeah]

My bf, six pints a night. Most nights. Pints 1-4 don't touch the sides, 5 & he's more animated. No.6 & I can tell he's a bit tipsy. Does this make him an alcoholic? We're in dispute.

Serious question, what happens after number 6?

Do you yourself think he has a drink problem?. If so why are you together at all?.

This could well be an unhealthy relationship based on co-dependency rather than love.

Do you really think you deserve no better from a relationship, this this is truly your lot?.

What would happen if he didn't have any alcohol on an evening! It's not the amount it's his dependence on it that would decide if he's an alcoholic.

Well I ended a relationship over a similar amount. Can he go without drinking? My ex was drinking the same amount every night, I got pissed off at being the driver and it became obvious it was a problem

It makes him a heavy drinker but not necessarily an alcoholic. Does he 'need' to drink that much? Is it negatively affecting your relationship?

yes, he is.
sorry.
i had years of this and in the end i upped and left. he's still drinking AFAIK.

Depends on you. My partner is a heavy drinker and so am I. We both function well in life and our relationship and we like going out and getting pissed together as one of the shared activities we do. I'd say its only a problem if he's neglecting you for the booze.

He's a heavy drinker, not sure that makes him an alcoholic. More details needed.

the question is whether he would e.g. happily give up drinking if, say, you needed the money, or you had a disease that meant he always had to be ready to drive you somewhere.

What barriers does his drinking put up in your life?

he's certainly a heavy drinker and risking a lot of horrible diseases in later life.

I have experience of working in drug and alcohol services. It sounds odd but it's often not the amount of alcohol but what happens when the person does drink.

There are millions of heavy drinkers out there and that obviously is damaging in terms of physical health and long term health.

But units of alcohol consumed don't stray into 'problematic drinking' if it isn't a 'problem'. For e.g not being able to stop when started, sustaining injuries when drinking, losing working days, affecting ability to engage in relationships when hungover or being unpleasant/abusive when drunk. Drink - driving, experiencing black - outs. Constantly planning to stop but not being able to. Trying to restrict drinking by changing drinks e.g spirits to beer or setting drinking times e.g only after 8 pm. But doing one or more of those things wouldn't necessarily mean problematic drinking in themselves if it didn't happen all the time.

AA will accept anyone who thinks their drinking is out of control but they are a non - statutory service with an approach that many don't agree with.

If you're talking about NHS alcohol services and a clinical diagnosis of alcohol misuse syndrome - there are criteria.

Well it would be a deal breaker for me, whether or not he's addicted or how he behaves when drunk. It's a disgusting amount and will probably kill him eventually.

It's 4 times the recommended number of units. What issues does the drinking cause in your relationship?

Well it's certainly health damaging at that amount!

Yes, if he can't actually happily go a night without it then yes yes yes. And it doesn't make a difference whether the first 4 touch the sides or not, that little bit of defense from him is a red herring.

And ps- he's your bf? Run for the hills. Screaming ??.

As others say it's not the quantity but other stuff:

• Has the amount been slowly creeping up over the years (if you have known him a long time)
• How does he react if he realised / is in a situation where he isn't going to be able to drink of an evening?

I mean sure, it's a lot, but if he can genuinely take it or leave it, and it's not going up (say Friday nights he has a couple extra, then it's saturdays as well etc) then he's "just" a heavy drinker. If his behaviour goes crappy then obviously that's a problem too.

At knocking on 90 units a week, assuming fairly weak beer, possibly twice or even three times that, it barely matters - although given he's drinking an excessive amount every night I would say that he is. Does he intend to do something before he fucks his liver up?

It's sort of irrelevent whether he's technically an alcoholic or not, the question is whether its a problem for you and it clearly is.

One of the reasons my marriage ended was because my X drank a similar amount to your bf. He wasn't a hellraiser by any stretch of the imaginain didn't go out on all-night benders, usually stopped after the fifth or sixth pint and he was rarely visibly drunk. But he had to drink almost every night, unless he was really ill.

I started to resent the fact that alcohol had to be present at every evening meal and every day out and the fact that I would always be on eggshells around about 5pm waiting for the sound of the first tin to be opened. I'm a drinker myself -- not an everyday drinker but I like a drink. But I wanted there to be a space in my life and my marriage which didn't involve alcohol and he wasn't prepared to give that to me and ultimately I couldn't deal with it.

As others have said its not necessarily the volumes consumed or whether he's technically dependent, its the way it affects him and you and the relationship.

if it bothers you, it bothers you and he doesn't have to meet some checklist for you to justify your feelings about this...

Does he drink and drive? Can he not drink if he needs to?

drinkaware.co.uk has a self-assessment tool which you could look at

With liver problems, most of the time there are no warning signs and it can be too late before realising. It can be very damaging to other organs and mental health.

Hmmmm. We can get hung up on the names for behaviours. Bottom line is he is drinking a health damaging amount. There is nothing you can do about it though. He will stop or cut down on,y if he wants to and can do.

Awful situation to be in.

I'm actually thinking the same as Vagabond - what happens after he's had the 6th beer?

PS - and why are you 'in dispute'?

Hmmmm. We can get hung up on the names for behaviours.

Absolutely. Drives me nuts 'is someone just a heavy drinker or an actual 'alcoholic' ... it doesn't matter what the hell you want to call it - this is someone who is drinking at least 42 pints of beer a week, week in week out with no let up.

Drinking that amount, with that regularity, is doing untold damage to his liver, brain, heart and other organs, and it will only get progressively worse if he continues to drink at that level.

Pisshead, boozer, problem drinker, heavy drinker, alcoholic - whatever you want to call it - that amount of alcohol is health damaging and the effects are cumulative and over time could be catastrophic.