If you want to do something and your DH doesn't, do you do it anyway?

[Vagabond]

I don't mean something major like visiting South Africa...just something like going to see a film, for example. Or going to the theatre.

Yes. That's what friends are for.

Sometimes. Sometimes he or I go on our own - it really is better that way.

Yes I always have done. I'd rather see a film on my own or with DS or a friend than drag someone along who's not interested.

I'd go with friends. We do stuff the other doesn't want to do all the time.

Well, I'm in a new country so I don't know anybody yet. I went to the cinema alone the other day (which I have done before) and it was great. I was glad that I did something that I wanted to do without waiting for someone to do it with me. The only problem was that I cried buckets during the movie and had to put haemorrhoid cream on my eyes the next morning!

Yes, of course.

You're not the same person, so it makes sense you wouldn't always want to do the same thing and not fair that one should miss out or the other be forced to do something they didn't want to.

So, if there was no problem, why are you asking?

Yup, we do our own things sometimes. DH is a fitness freak who is at this moment out running 7K. The idea of joining in makes me want to hide in the cupboard, so he quite happily does it on his own. Same with me, I quite like knocking around old buildings and historic places - I just take DD with me during the week when he's at work. Prob sorted!

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Sat 10-Oct-15 16:15:50
So, if there was no problem, why are you asking?

Because I'm curious. There are actually a lot more things I'd like to do and I thought I'd explore the topic. I'd actually like to go more than 100km away from our new house after 9 months of being here and I'm frustrated. May I please have your permission now? Why did you even bother posting! You've made me so riled up. Has it ever occurred to you that I might be feeling a bit fed up with not knowing anybody and that is why I asked? Do you think your reply was helpful?

Hope you are pleased with yourself.

Wow

Well, tbf, it didn't occur to me, no. I don't know you and I'm not a mind reader. Which is why I asked.

If you're not going to give any context, you can't get cross when someone asks for one!

Well you can, but it doesn't come across all that well...

Wow, I wonder why you don't have friends to go to the cinema with.

Oooo. Touchy. Much?

Here's the 101 of Mumsnet.You post. Others reply. They ask more questions. You elaborate.
Some responses are helpful. Some not to much. But either way you get a bunch of opinions, some of which you take on board. Some you don't.

It's poor form to get riled when people are taking their time to respond . Amusing tho!

I think you took that the wrong way OP.

Sorry, I'm with the OP.

'...then why are you asking" is at best unhelpful. But more like unpleasant. Why does anyone ever post anything? Because this is MN, we are chatting, often idly, about stuff that affects our lives. And using our license to be nosey and supportive at the same time about how others live their lives.

The OP's response demonstrates exactly why it is unhelpful to challenge others about the merit of their post. She is lonely in a strange country and reaching out to talk to others. Have we reached the point where this is unacceptable? If you think someone should not have bothered posting, then close the thread and move on. Leave it for people who CAN see the point of the thread. Dont stay to make what are frankly nasty comments about an utterly innocuous post.

Good on you OP for venturing out on your own in a strange country. It's not always easy - I've been there. And I understand well how liberating it can be.

Why would it occur to her? You are a stranger to her and she doesn't know anything about you.
I get riled at posters who get huffy when we fail to know things about them that they haven't told us.

Regards your initial query - yes I do stuff without my husband often. He's boring more of a homebody than I am, but it doesn't stop me persuing my own interests. Go for it!

*pursuing

I think you took it the wrong way too OP, perfrctly reasonable post from FolkGirl.

DH normally happy to do anything I want. Luckily. He loves new experiences, even just to see s new film.

Hope you feel at home in your new country soon.

Pictish I can't work out whose side you are on

My internet is playing up...

Just to clarify, I thought, from the op, that the OP was either unsure/self conscious about doing things on her own, or had a husband who was making it difficult and either seeking reassurance that it was ok/'acceptable' for a married woman to do things without her husband.

I was surprised and a bit confused when she said she did go out alone, so thought I'd clarify exactly what she was asking because, really, her issue is more about feeling frustrated and possibly a bit isolated in a new place, not (just) a query about whether married people pursue their own interests.

Fwiw, I think it's great to do things alone. It's a great way of getting to know a new place and people.

aNote she probably isn't on anyone's side. We're all grown ups here. It's perfectly possible to disagree with something someone said and not behave aggressively towards them simultaneously.