Does getting back together ever work out?

[Robotgirl]

Hi all
Going to try not to waffle on too much here.
Got involved with D in Feb this year after meeting through a friend. Both with baggage & a bit terrified after being treated badly by exes. I fell for him very quickly. He was a slow burner. I couldn't handle the lack of balance (talked & said he wasn't as into it as me). I have a fear of abandonment & finished it after 5 months-have done this loads in relationships throughout my life).
I decided to get some counselling as knew I needed to try & sort these abandonment & trust issues (I have always believed every boyfriend is going to leave-stems from my childhood) Also knew I still had feelings for D, but denied this to myself & everyone.
He wrote me (long) emails/sent texts saying how gutted he was & how he missed me. We have mutual friends . They said he was 'in bits'. I didn't believe any of it & carried on with counselling & trying to move on.
NC for weeks & then 2 wks ago I had a v strong urge to text him. We ended up meeting for coffee. We have been spending time together again & have slept together a few times.
I have never done this and always said 'never go back'.
I feel stronger & better than when we were together before. I have told him that getting back together is not an option currently & we both agree we need to talk a lot about what went wrong before & establish whether we both want if we are gonna try & move forward. I feel more together since I had counselling & am enjoying being in the moment with him (I have great friends, a brilliant daughter, a job and lots going on to keep me out of mischief as well)
Just wondering if any MNers have broken up & got back together with it being more positive the second time around?

Yep. Me and dh split for 6 months. Started divorce proceedings. Both met someone else. Neither new relationship was serious or lasted long. We realised that no relationship was easy and we didn't really want to work hard at with anyone else.

6 years and another child later we are better than ever. It's like two different marriages. We don't argue that much now, we disagree but don't really argue. We talk more. I would say we have 3 proper arguments in the last 6 years.

For me I know that I don't want to be with anyone else. He isn't perfect and gets on my tits on occasion. I am sure I piss him off too. But I would rather he was here and pissing off me occasionally than not at all.

I would also say that this isn't the case for everyone. You really need to get to the bottom of why you split and if that hasn't changed then don't do it. If it has, take some time to think about it

I don't understand him not being that into it but then being in bits about it ending. What do you think about that OP?

Thanks for your posts.
Hauntedbytheghost - he told me from he was being cautious because of his previous relationship when we were together but since we broke up he said he's realised how much I mean to him. As I said, I didn't believe him & this is one of 'those lines' that's been used lots & is often bollocks.
I totally agree that him not being as into me previously is a bit of a bad sign but it's almost like we've swapped roles a bit - he's being incredibly attentive & open where as I am now treading carefully....
I've never done the 'going back' thing by it feels familiar & comfortable.
Agree that we need to get to the bottom of the reasons we split up