Ok. Will try to keep this as succinct as possible.
Met man around three years ago. Felt an intense chemistry between us but he was married so obviously nothing could happen. He admitted having feelings for me, things all got a bit fraught, I felt angry and guilty and consequently my behaviour became a little unhinged. I realised we were crossing a line even discussing it, so broke off all contact. I know I didn't behave well and should not have let things get even that far. I was in a terrible place at the time (not trying to excuse myself, just adding some context).
About a year ago he tried contacting me. This time I was in a much better place in terms of self esteem and was swift in shutting him down, telling him if he was still married then I would not contemplate any contact whatsoever between us.
Very recently I discovered through a mutual acquaintance that he had been separated for a while. And in a weak moment I contacted him. He seemed so pleased to hear from me - he has been living apart from his wife for a year, says he is in a good place, and the conversation quickly turned to when we met and how we felt about each other. The intense physical attraction had been mutual he said. He had "wanted me so much" but had not been prepared to engage in an extra-marital affair (as neither had I). But now he was single so was I going to come to him or would he come to me?
He was pretty quick off the mark and the first one to bring up the idea of us getting together. I at first expressed reservations: 1) That it was entirely possible that we would meet and no longer feel the same about each other, and 2) That I had been hurt and confused before and didn't want to go through the same again. That I had had romantic as well as sexual attraction to him and so was wary of having my feelings hurt.
He said he understood and that despite having been separated for a year was probably not ready to commit to anything other than "good times". I had a think about it and replied saying, "Well look, I want good times too" (I do - it's been a long time for me) "so let's just have a weekend together, see how it goes (after all we may no longer even fancy each other) and then if it looks like things are going to get too complicated at any point we always have the option to knock it on the head?"
He says yes. Of course he wants to see me so let's do that. And let's see each other as soon as possible. He is hellishly busy but will get back to me with a weekend he can do asap. I say great. Can't wait.
That was a week ago. And I've heard nothing since.
I'm not asking for advice on a plan of action. I've already decided I will not contact him. If he wants to see me he will contact me, and if he doesn't then me contacting him to ask whyyyyy won't help and will just be humiliating.
But I would like some help trying to understand. I have agreed to giving a casual relationship a try. And I really am honestly prepared to give it a try. He doesn't have to want me for a girlfriend - I just really really want to finally consummate this attraction between us (the thought is so exciting I can barely contain myself). If that's all it is then ok. I can deal. But now it seems he doesn't want to and I just don't understand. Why would any man who wanted any woman as much as he says he did me, not want to have sex?
Did I imagine this chemistry? Impossible I think - those kind of sparks can't be faked. He is lying that he felt it too? Is he just busy and taking his time making plans (in which case why isn't he more enthusiastic?) Is he worried that it will inevitably result in some kind of negative fall out? And if he has changed his mind, why doesn't he just say?
I refuse to go crawling to him for answers and so have posted here. Thank you for reading. Would appreciate all and any thoughts.