DH called DS 8 a pig, AIBU?

[50shadesofGreer]

Ok so DH and I have been having ongoing relationship issues, he goes out when he wants without telling me, drinks too much quite often, swears and bangs stuff when things don't go the way he wants. We have two boys and our eldest is eight and has a sensitive nature like me, he and I have quite similar personalities and have been worried for a while that DH favours DS2 because he is more boisterous and physical like him. Anyway this afternoon DS1 had been eating Nutella and had gotten some on his face, hands and a bit on the sofa, I told him to go clean up and asked him to be more careful with it, DH then wanders in and says 'DS1 you are a pig' this was not long after DH and I had argued and I feel like he was taking his anger out on DS1. Ironically we had been arguing because he said he can do what he wants and I want him to be more respectfull and considerate.

So AIBU or oversensitive in thinking it's not ok for him to call DS1 a pig?

Then not them.

Leave. He doesn't respect you and it sounds like he doesn't much like you. He will only get worse because he can't see his behaviour as the problem.

He is staying with you because nobody else will have him, OP. Even his "mates" won't put him up.

He sounds infantile, irresponsible and boring, apart from abusive.

Oh, and crashing the car and losing his licence isn't just stupid. I assume you mean he was drink driving? That's not stupid; it's criminal.

When I read the OP, I thought you might be overreacting a little. 'Pig' is something we bandy about quite regularly in this house - don't be a pig, stop eating like a pig etc

But your subsequent posts have made me realise that your husband is in fact, an arse.

'It's not that bad.'

'I can limit myself'

'I don't need your permission or lectures.'

I said all these and many, many more before I went into rehab. Honestly I would be surprised if he is only drinking at the weekends, it sounds - admittedly from limited info - that he has a drink problem and may be a functioning alcoholic. I was, held down a job, a relationship, friendships (although these were all badly damaged). But no matter how often I promised to limit myself, drink responsibly, etc, it only lasted a short time before escalating again.

I truly hope this isn't happening to you because an alcoholic partner is an absolute psychotic nightmare,

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

And you are together still because....

Is this really what you want to teach your child about relationships; what do you think he is learning from the two of you here. He is seeing that his dad drinks too much and dad ignores mum. Is this what you want your son to think, that this is really how women are treated?.

My guess is as well that your DH is all sweetness and light to those in the outside world; you are seeing his true nature behind closed doors.

Crashing the car whilst drunk was not just a stupid action; it was a criminal one. How many other times have you made such excuses for him or given him chance after chance?.

His latest comments as well are typical of what an alcoholic says as well. You cannot even begin to fully protect them from his alcoholism; do not kid yourself that you can. Infact you are really playing out the usual sorts of roles associated with such spouses; enabler and provoker to name but two. You need to start your own recovery and that will not happen so long as you remain at all with this man.

he can range from noisy to doing stupid stuff (like crashing the car and losing his licence) or saying nasty stuff to me or rarely the boys

.... shit.

You're in trouble if you're with someone like this. this isnt normal or healthy.