The older man thing

[hauntedbytheghost]

Hi all,

I was hoping to hear your experiences and stories.

I'm in a new relationship with a guy in his mid forties (I'm late twenties) and honestly it's the happiest I've been in a relationship. Despite having his shit together he's a young soul so although he obviously brings more life experience to the table, we enjoy doing a lot of the same things.

I just feel very conscious of others' view of the relationship and wanted to hear from you. Have you ever been in a relationship with such a big age gap? Can it work in the long term? I really want it to.

Look at his personality, and his relationship history. His personality is more important than his age. Of course, at this stage you will say it's wonderful, lovely, etc, but try to take a dispassionate view and ask some friends as well (ones who will tell you the truth). This is all that really matters.

The age gap will be a factor if it becomes permanent, as you are at differing life stages, so don't gloss over it: but there's no reason to think it would be a negative thing. Everything depends on the individuals concerned.

I manage a very large residential care home for the elderly. Prior to this I had been entirely open minded about age gaps. But now I've seen so many active, elegant women nin their late fifties/sixties who are utterly exhausted as carers for their husbands who are 20 years older. They're broken down and have very hard lives while their friends are enjoying retirement with their partners of the same age. So, yes. I would certainly be very aware of large age gaps now. I know disability can happen at any time, but the odds are so vastly increased with an age gap....

I would think very hard about marrying someone much older than me after observing my BIL and his wife. He is 18 years older than her at 60. He has retired on ill health grounds with very little income and she is still in work.

He is not financially secure but can longer earn any money. My SIL is very worried about his lack of pension and her job, which is insecure.

She will be looking after a disabled husband on very little money. ( You could say a partner could become disabled at any time, but it is more likely as you age)

They also have a six year old son. He can't do much with him and everything falls on her shoulders.

They are unhappy and are heading for trouble. Poor things.

I am 33 and my bf is 47 so 14 years difference. We don't notice it as we have the same hobbies, and the same views/opinions on things.
I totally love him to bits and have never been happier.
I don't think an age gap is that unusual anymore.
Go for it and good luck!

Well I had a 20 year age gap marriage for 19 years and that worked well for most all of that time it ended for reasons not to do with age. However as some posters have pointed out fine when you are say 30 and 50 years but probably not so much fun when its 60 and 80 BUT seeing that average length of a marriage in the UK is according to some sources around 8 years so maybe not that much of an issue.

If it works and it's what Both of you want then I don't see any reason why you shouldn't.

Some light Sunday reading . Enjoy;!.

www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/vsob1/divorces-in-england-and-wales/2011/sty-what-percentage-of-marriages-end-in-divorce.html