It terrifies me how nice he is

[bridie69]

Hi all
I feel so weird writing this. I'm a widow and had a very happy marriage until DH left this world 8 years ago. I have rebuilt my life since and had absolutely no need of a relationship. I saw many friends marriages collapse in the meantime and others suffer abuse etc from awful men. I felt and honestly feel grateful to not have need of a man. I met someone recently while abroad. He invited me to visit him in Ireland which I've now done twice and had lovely times. He isn't keen on moving to London as he says he found people were racist towards him when he lived here as a young man but he has made it clear he would like to develop things with me. We also agreed to talk a lot. He is visiting this weekend but stays with his friend so I still have my space. He is the kindest most loving,intelligent refined man, pretty successful , well liked etc. I really cannot fathom how he stayed single. I, and I know this sounds bad, find it hard to take on board how nice he is, how considerate. He hasn't laid a finger on me apart from some very lovely kisses which has kind of got me wondering too iyswim..Thoughts?

He wasn't ever a priest just in training. I don't think he has issues particularly. I was surprised a handsome guy with a good job wasn't taken. Some of my friends husbands and we'll the people you see out and about I think "what in the name of God do you see in him?" but then I suppose attraction is an individual thing.

I'd be a little bit concerned about his polarised views on things - refusing to set foot in a Catholic church because of the sex abuse scandals? Like that's all Catholicism is about and it might implicate him somehow?

And refusing to go near London because it was 'racist' many years ago?

It just sounds really extreme, and based on irrational beliefs.

I am glad you are having a lovely time but do please be careful.

Agree with Binky, he appears to have some hangups, actually.

Slowwww dowwwwwn OP.

Who doesn't? Have hang-ups.

He's lived a cloistered life, unworldly, so he's bound to take a while to adjust.

Ree the catholic church: is not that the individual priests abused kids but the line the church took on it to cover it up. I assume that's why he has taken such a strong line on it ie rejecting the church. Especially as that church would have been a cherished part of his life until this revelation.

As for racism in London - I experienced some very unsettling racism in London and I'm not surprised he doesn't want to go there. A dear friend (mixed race) experienced shocking racism in Barcelona recently - many incidents - and she has no desire to ever return.

So, no, I wouldn't say he's polarised, just clear. He has led a meditative life and will be more finally tuned than most.

Finely ffs