Tell me honestly – I feel a bit hurt, but am I being pathetic?

[Frieda]

I have a very good friend whom I've known for about 12 years. We used to see a lot of each other, then she moved to the other side of London, and I had DS, and our relationship gradually changed to one of regular phone calls and emailing (at least a couple of times a month) plus occasional trips to the health club or beauty spa together for a relaxing catch-up and gossip. We talk about all sorts of personal things, relationship issues ? often lots of really personal stuff. I last saw her in January, when we had a lovely, lazy morning at the health club together. I emailed her the following week and didn't hear back for ages, then she sent me a really short email saying she was sorry she hadn't replied, but she'd been really busy with work and she and her dh had been away for a short holiday, but she'd ring for a chat really soon. Emailed back to say, fine, just call me when things have settled down a bit. Didn't hear, didn't hear until last week, when she called me to say she's 12 weeks pregnant.
Obviously, I was pleased for her, as I knew they'd been trying, but I couldn't help feeling a bit hurt that she hadn't told me sooner ? I'd thought we were quite close friends, and I'm sure I would have told her. To make matters worse, it seems she'd already told her work colleagues some time before, as she'd been feeling unwell.
I feel as though I'm being a bit childish about this, as I know everyone's different ? I told all my close friends as soon as I knew I was expecting, and I couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't. Tell me honestly ? what do you think?

has she had an m/c? if you have had an early one, believe me you'll be shy about telling people before 12 wks, even close friends, at least IME. as far as colleagues at work go, if she has been showing up late or had to take time off she may have had no choice but to tell them, even if it were against her inclinations. also, the fatigue and sickness of early pg could well have been the reason why she has not got in touch for a while.

i don't think you are being pathetic, but try not to be hurt.

hth.

I told a few friends that I saw at a wedding that I was PG before I told my parents. I knew they would guess as I wasnt drinking and was tired etc My parents understood totally as I dont see them that often.

Try not to be hurt......she would be devastated if she knew you were.

I've been there too - like you I tend to be very open about my pgs - both from IVF and my good friends have all known from before conception. One of my best friends however has only ever told me of her pgs at safely past 13 weeks - it irks me, but I know it is just her way, she is more private than me and I know its not a reflection of how she views me.
I also share an office with someone who I knew was trying for pg at a similar time to me - while she knew about mine from day 1, she didn't tell me about hers until after her 20 week scan - and looking back we'd had quite a few converstaions about trying to conceive, when must have known she was pg! I did feel a bit of a mug then

So I understand your feelings, but do try not to take it personally or let it affect your relationship in any way.

I didn't tell any of my friends until I was 16 weeks both times, it's just the way I wanted to do it.

I'm sure people at work suspected, it was far harder to hide it from them as I was really nauseous.

I didn't not tell my friends sooner becuase I wanted to have had my scan before I did, that's all. Maybe your friend was the same?

It also sounds like your friend didn't want to be in contact with you until she was confident about sharing her news - sounds like she didn't want to have to 'cover up' more than necessary - she's probably been desperately waiting to share it with you! Does that make it feel any better

Thanks, everyone ? especially elliott. Deep down I know you're right and it's different for everyone, and thinking about it, that was probably why she wasn't in contact for a while. And I know I can be a bit oversensitive.
Thanks for all your input.

I was in the same position as your friend. I only told about 3 people before I got to 12 weeks and that included my boss because I had some bleeding and needed a couple of days off. When I told my bf (at 12 weeks exactly) she was really off with me and the first thing she said was "Why didn't you tell me before?" I tried to explain that I wanted to wait for the 12 week scan before I told anyone and then got the third degree about who I'd told. TBH I felt very let down and angry with her. I know that some people are happy to tell lots of people early on but I wasn't and I was upset and annoyed that she couldn't respect that. We're fine now though.