Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AAAAAARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH Fcuking DH!!!!

26 replies

munz · 03/12/2006 07:56

(I know i've splet that wrong btw!)

last night frist night out since boy has been born - in fact first night out since like erm I found out I was PG - and he's 9.5 months, so all I want is a little time to chill with my mates - after all he's bween out with his since J has been born. we're talking a place where drinks are £4.95 for 8 so I could have got quite drunk as we all agreed a round each! but no I stuck to my 2 drinks with dinner and that was all, even bloody came home early cos I was absoulty knackered at 12.45 instead of 2 like most others. but get this.

J was passed to me when I came in for a bottle then every time he woke up during the night I woke up cos he was left to cry and finally DH comes into bed this morning with J at 7.30 - J is obviousylwanting to start the day saying (and this is the best bit)

'i'm tired, i've been up since 9am yesterday, I want some sleep' - well how about that's my fucking life! up EVERY day at 6-6.30, incl the w/e's, puts up with all the nappy changes, all the screaming fits. up ion the night and do you see me bloody moaning i'm tired, do you see me taking the boy into him after he's had a night out to get him out of bed god i'm sooo pissed off right now, all I wanted was a night out and a lay in this morning, but NO can't have that. URGHGGGHHHH.

OP posts:
iota · 03/12/2006 07:59

men are sooooooooooo thoughtless sometimes

Original poster
munz · 03/12/2006 08:00

I've read it back and really I sound ungrateful don't I expecting him to stay up but that's his choice not mine.

next w/e i'm insistsing on a lay in on sunday - I only ever manage till 8am anyways so don't know what he's bloody moaning at! lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
munz · 03/12/2006 08:01

(I tell him to go to bed and just get out)

OP posts:
colditz · 03/12/2006 08:25

Oh he is out of order totally. When I have a night out I do not expect to be dealing with the kids in the night and I do not expect to be up in the morning. Same when dp has a night out - I don't ask him to do jack the next day, because he always extends that same courtesy to me.

You need to go out again, this time do have a few drinks and stop out until two. Do exactly what he does to you, no more, no less, so you only need to say 3 words when the inevitable complaints come - "You do it". Let him try and argue why it is different for him to do it.

never never utyter tyhe words "Oh ffs I'll do it myself. Never. They have won then, all they have to do is be crap and they won't have to do anything they don't feel like doing. If he brings baby in at stupid o clock again, turn your back on the whole thing and manufacture some snores. Baby will not be hurt, I promise you. If he snaps "Are you getting up?" - the answer is "No."

3sEnough · 03/12/2006 08:35

Sound like you need to have a small discussion on the rules of going out - the whole point of going out solo is it's a great way of letting the one who DID have a lie in - it's part of the night out. You just need to make sure you both know that and both stick to it!

Original poster
munz · 03/12/2006 08:39

cold - i'd love to go out again, except where we went top it was the wives xmas do - so pretty much just once a year- althou not sure if they have a summer one as well, otherwise it's doubtful we'll be able to afford it lol. (might well ahve to just arrange something in town after the n/y.

3 - oh don't worry DH has a Lay in EVERY weekend - and I don't just mean till 10/11 I mean till 1 or 2, he was only up early yesterday cos he knew I wanted to get into town. I think he'll be getting an ear bashing when I go to wake him up in a bit.

OP posts:
McDreamy · 03/12/2006 09:11

Oh Munz he OUT OF ORDER!!!! You poor thing, that is sooooo crap. You need a "chat" and as someone else has said "some rules" Yes he goes out to work and yes he probably is tired but you work too and welcome to the world of having a small baby - it's tiring and if I've learnt one thing it is you have to look after each other because if you don't oh boy does your relationship suffer.

Munz I've been here and seriously you have to talk and listen to each other. I really hope it works. I didn't want to hear what my DH had to say coz I felt he turned everything I said round and he was 10x times more tired etc as he was the one who had to go out to work all day and then start work again to look after us when he got back - wtf!! Anyway I listened he listened and we are now so much better, it's hard isn't it?!

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 03/12/2006 09:16

Poor you Munz. You are not being unreasonable here. Everyone needs a tiny bit of time off here and there!

Tortington · 03/12/2006 09:20

not on - what a fucking arsehole

swifter · 03/12/2006 09:24

goodness your so harsh custardo

next time he goes out hand DS to him at 6.30 that should do the trick!!

laying in till 1pm when you have kids is unacceptable and you really need to nip it in bud- when do you then have family time together at w/e??

at least you haven't got a hangover!!

Tortington · 03/12/2006 09:29

or say " fuck off knobhead stop being a twat"

lornaloo · 03/12/2006 09:30

I had the same prob with dp when I first started going out after having ds. He used to ring me all the time when I was out. Then when I got home the house would be a tip, its like he cant cope with looking after a baby and keeping the house tidy. It was pathetic. I have had chats since and now when I go out he doesn't call he just leaves me to it anf lies are taken in turns.
They definitly seem to think its one rule for them than it is us...
Don't let him get away with that again. Book yourself a nice long lie in next sat or sun and tell him to take your ds out for the day so you can just relax.

lornaloo · 03/12/2006 09:31

Lie ins

edam · 03/12/2006 09:39

Don't let him get away with this, the selfish git. In fact, why don't you go back to bed now? Just hand J over and say 'you had a lie in yesterday/last weekend, now it's my turn'. If he objects, point out if he'd been considerate and hadn't woken you up in the night, you wouldn't need to go back to bed now. It is YOUR turn!

Judy1234 · 03/12/2006 09:42

You need to check their housekeeping skills before you marry them. Bit late to say that now and don't now tolerate unfairness.

vitomum · 03/12/2006 09:52

totally out of order. i can't beleive there is a part of you that still feel you may be neing unreasonable or ungrateful! On a practical level we always agree lie ins up front. If one of has has night out the 'package' always includes a lie in. Sometimes we'll take it turn anout at weekends too. Oh and like you by lie in i mean about 9am - but is it soooo lovely!

Original poster
munz · 04/12/2006 10:05

ok after a blazing row yesterday and him storming out cos 'I can read you know before you slag me off to your MN mates' things got a bit better esp after I told (note not asked) him that i'd be having a lay in next w/e esp as the w/e after that we're off to my mum/dads for and early xmas dinner and then he's away for the whole week there after so absolutly no rest for me - althou then he's got 3 weeks off for xmas so can't complain too much as i'm going to have at least one lay in then! lol.

lol@ edam I like youtr style! lol. I didn't go back to bed - had too much to do bloody tescos for food and that. anyhow ate my tea half asleep then went to bed at 9pm lol. didn't wake up till 7am this morning when the boy woke me up lol. still watch this space the 1/2 pm lay in have got to stop, our fmaily time is normally on an afternoon (fri sat or sun) and he's home from work normally at 4.30 we always have lunch as a family as well, so it's not too bad it's just the quilty family time - ie day's out have to be 'booked' wiht him in advance which i'm getting frustrated with - althou there's a good thing about MIL coming down as she drags him out of bed by 10am at the latest! lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
munz · 04/12/2006 10:07

(thanks for letting me sound off thou and agreeing i'm not being unrasonable also I treated myself in tescos to a finest luxury choccy sunday thing for my pudding treat (lol. never normally done only cos I was pissed off! lol) DH's face looked horrified that i'd not brought him one! lol(was sooo sickly I couldn't eat it all but least his face was a picture! lol)

OP posts:
Dingdongdebbsyandbibbyonhigh · 04/12/2006 10:20

Munz he was out of order,the number of times you let him do as he pleases and your at home with J put your foot down next time girl,and dont come home at all stay at a friends thats what i would do or come that obliterated with drink he wouldnt dare leave j with you lol.
how are things today?
(((((hugs)))))

Original poster
munz · 04/12/2006 10:25

better, we're talking! lol.

what made me laugh thou was the phrase b4 I went out! lol

'if you weren't coming home pissed tonight you'd so be getting sex' lol. needless to say after the bottle and me being absoulty knackered I didn't put out! lol. rather glad as well now!

mum seems to think he's feeling insecure cos of it being in the mess, I was all dolled up and also each table has it's own waiter - ours was a lovely bloke, v shy and timid but lovely all the same, (DH knows they're normally the single boys who do the waiting on) so mum recons that was all mixed in for good measure as well - I don't blody care thou! if i'm too tired with him after running after J i'm sure as hell not going to look elsewhere! lol - wouldn't have the bloody staminer! lol.

OP posts:
Dingdongdebbsyandbibbyonhigh · 04/12/2006 10:28

lol thats probably what it cames down too really he was feeling a bit jeolous perhaps

JARMgotstuckupthechimney · 04/12/2006 10:33

Munz Munz Munz - I tell ya, that "man" of yours can be a sometimes.

I glad you had a good night - norty for not drinking more!

Hope you had fun shopping - and got lots of bits for J

I hope you get your lie in next weekend, and PLEASE have your DH out of bed by 10am on weekends - he needs to learn how to deal with the boy!!!

Original poster
munz · 04/12/2006 10:41

lol. stupid thing is thou when J was born i'd go to bed early and up early, DH would stop up late so as I could sleep longer then sleep in late iycwim, and it just seems to have stuck [sigh] lol.

tbh jarm we stuck to his limit! lol - althou I did get a lovely outfit for him ty. and a few toys. did make DH stand outside loads of girlie shops as well! lol. not that I went in/out with anything lol. but nice to window shop!

OP posts:
Dingdongdebbsyandbibbyonhigh · 04/12/2006 10:46

i agree with jarm get the bugger up in the morning i would get the hoover out and hoover round him and make as much noise as i could.lol.

Original poster
munz · 04/12/2006 10:50

lol. I do thta debs, he just gets arsey and humpy, lol. it's easier for a quite life not to do it! i'm such a walk over!

OP posts: