Feeling relieved. Told (ex)DP where to go.

[ConfusedLlama]

Backstory:
DP and I split over a year ago where he spun me a line "I love you just not in love with you" he then proceeded to tell me everything was my fault. Not enough sex, I wasn't who I used to be, I was selfish. He changed his attitude when I started dating and suddenly seemed to realise that he had lost the best thing to happen to him (his words but I have to agree :P ). I wasn't having any of it at the time. The relationship I was in naturally took its course and we mutually decided we weren't right for each other. DP then stepped up a gear and wanted me back. I agreed top try again and work on our problems BOTH of our problems. In the time we had split he had miraculously started dating a girl from his work. I found out he was still sort of seeing her whilst we were trying to sort things out and told him that he was being unreasonable and if he didn't tell her I would. He didn't so I did. we then split again as I couldn't trust him.

At the beginning of our breakup I missed my period for two months which was then proceeded by a horrendous one that was (sorry if TMI) clotted and extremely painful. I never took a test so I will never fully know but my gut was telling me it was my worst nightmare. I still don't know if I would have preferred to know or be in this state of confusion. It still hurts to this day. After the second split, we agreed to sit down and talk I told him what I had been through on my own. I didn't know how to deal with the emotions I had so I shut off. I realised what I was doing and tried to let him in again but by this time he was acting weird around his phone. If he saw something funny when I asked to read it he'd send me a screenshot, would turn his phone away from me when sitting near me.

Anyway, fast forward to today. A friend of mine told me she'd seen him in a town near where this OW lives that shed seen him with a woman who matched OW description. She doesn't really know the backstory is a friend at work and would have no reason to lie. So I told him that my friend had seen him in said town (no mention of OW) he denied it point blank but was really shifty and gave far too much detail about how it could have been him going to the gym or how he sometimes parks near there. I'm not proud of it but his wallet was lying around and so I snooped, I found receipts for pizza express and other places in that town. He had been there, I confronted him today saying if he had nothing to hide he wouldn't mind showing me the receipts. He wouldn't show them kept denying he'd been there. I told him he had one chance to tell the truth or he could leave. He started to go through the receipts but hiding some in his wallet as he pulled them out wouldn't let me hold them and kept reading them and putting straight back in his wallet. When I mentioned the OW he said he'd seen her twice but only told me one of the times hed met with her which was to give back her stuff. When I asked him about the second he changed subject, actually accused me of being paranoid.

So I told him he had his chance to tell the truth and he didn't take it. I was sick of his lies and he can fuck off. My DD and I are perfectly capable on our own.

I needed to rant sorry its so long but could anyone advise me re how to handle it with my DD?

How old is your dd and is your newly ex dp her father? If not, how long has has he been in your dd's life, is she fond of him, how did she take it when you broke up with him a year ago ,and did he move back in with you/her during what seem to be a couple of reconciliations since you split?

My DD is 5, he is her father we were together for 6 years before we split. It was out of the blue as we had been a lot better and happier as a couple than previously. DD didn't take it very well it was a big change for her and she suffered with anxiety and was referred because of it. I tried to give her a daily routine under the advise of the doctors but it would be interrupted as exDP worked shift work and would have seemingly random days off. He didn't move back in when we reconciled, although it was talked about, as I felt that would be another big change for DD and we agreed that it would be a slow process to moving back in. Obviously, I understand this did put a bit of strain on the relationship but it was for our DD best interests.

I've started doubting myself now. Have been paranoid?

You are the furthest thing from paranoid, and your head knows that. This guys was already on last chance and then he starts pulling this shit. You're well rid.

When you had split up before wass your ex in regular contact with dd?

he was acting weird around his phone. If he saw something funny when I asked to read it he'd send me a screenshot, would turn his phone away from me when sitting near me

He started to go through the receipts but hiding some in his wallet as he pulled them out wouldn't let me hold them and kept reading them and putting straight back in his wallet.

Have you been paranoid? No, but he's been lying to his cheating duplicitous teeth and he'll continue to do so for as long as leopards can't change their spots.

lying through his cheating etc!

Thanks, pocket and goddess. He must have pulled a fast one on me, I'm sitting here doubting if I saw the receipts. I definitely did. I have heard nothing form him since I impolitely told him to leave, he has however been on WhatsApp. Probably telling OW they've been caught. My best friend who has been a life saver in all this very rightly pointed out that he realised he lost everything once and he'll soon be back with his tail between his legs. I WILL be ready for this. I already told him that if he thinks he can come back and suddenly open up then he thinks wrongly.

I wouldn't say he was in regular contact some weeks he'd see her once a week, then he wouldn't see her for two to three weeks, then he'd be there two days in a row. It was very confusing for her and I asked him to be considerate of the fact she was having difficulty in understanding. His solution was to guilt buy her presents every time he saw her, which inevitably resulted in her acting very spoilt and impolite whenever she saw him, almost expecting everyone to buy her presents. Something she never did before.

Do you feel he was messing DD around to spite you, or is he just a generally unengaged and selfish father?

I would make your priority here trying to get him to commit to a regular contact schedule. If he hasn't been living there then DD may not notice too much of a difference? Or will it be very obvious?

To be fair to him, he works shift work so doesn't always have the same days off and his work shifts change week to week. I'm not, however, entirely sure that his absence was down to his work pattern completely. When I mentioned it to him he didn't seem to have noticed he hadn't seen her in two weeks.

I have told him he needs to inform me of his days off by Friday each week for school clubs so that I can let DD know what her week is going to be like, also to let said clubs know what the plan is.

I'm leaning towards the carrying on as normal not letting her know directly, of course if she does have questions I will try to answer them as best I can. She has asked before if she'll see daddy again, I told her of course she would and that daddy would come and see her when he has time off work. should I just stick with that if she asks?