Ex not paying CSA because his mother supports him

[Icandoanything]

Hello,

Anyone else been in the same situation? My ex hasn't had a job since November 2014 and I didn't contact CSA for money until June this year as I had an inkling, his mum was supporting him. However, I got a letter back saying that I would get £7 a week, as he was claiming benefits, so I received 1 payment, then they stopped again,as he only claimed for 5 weeks.

So now, he's not working and not claiming (CSA have told me), so his mother is paying his rent, bills etc again.

And there's nothing I can do about it, great eh? I even told his mother the last time we spoke back in March that by her supporting him, she was preventing my son from any money from his father, and she's still doing it!

My ex is living with his mum. He doesn't pay any rent or utilities or food. She (at over 80 yrs old) does everything - cooking, cleaning, laundry, even walking the dog and mowing the lawn! He voluntarily quit his job over 18 months ago to move in with OW, then she shortly afterwards booted him out, so he's back at his mum's.

He is claiming benefits and I've told him recently that after him not bothering to pay CM for over 18 months, I am going to open a case to have him pay CM. It will only be £7 a week, but as far as I'm concerned, it's the principle of it. These are his children, and I expect him to have to help support them.

The only difference between us is that he will not stop claiming as his mum can't afford to pay for his additional costs (booze, smokes, tattoos, women), so I suspect he will continue to claim benefits.

Not sure what you can do though. That's miserable.

Ican, it's the principle of the thing that's so wrong. But, your MIL, by enabling his behaviour, has made a rod for her own back. Similarly, your ex will have to live until your child's 18, in his Mummy' s house, effectively reverting to the role of the child. I'm sure that in the short term he'll think that he's been very clever, but long term his life plan doesn't look too rosy.
Well rid!

Do we all have the same ex?!

Mine gave up work when I left him in 2005 so he wouldn't have to pay maintenance. The most I've ever got (from his benefits) is £5 per week.

He lives with his mother, treating her as he did me so she has no phone access, money or life of her own. :-(

I have only ever got £5 a week from Ex.. I make him pay simply as I know he is alive and not in prison while I get them money.

I find it appalling that men are allowed to do this.

Oh God, mine too. Doesn't have to pay bills, buy food, deodorant, nothing. Sometimes he has jobs for a few months until CMS catches up and his salary is all for him to spend on himself. It's usually enough to cover his fun money when he is sanctioned for just walking out of them. Lovely.

Never hear about these blokes in the press though do we? They would rather put the boot into the single parents instead.

My baby father has never had a job and never given me a penny towards his upkeep. DS actually asked me when he was about 7 (presumably after a conversation with one of his friends at school) whether dads were supposed to give mums money if they didn't live there. DS now has his girlfriend paying for everything out of her wages because he too has no job and won't even sigh on because they're all dickheads at the dole office -like father like son-

Sadly nothing you can do but I'd do my best to ensure dear granny had no contact with my children.

In a very similar situation! He moved back in with his mum after l found out I was pregnant after two years together. He doesn't work and refuses to claim benefits to prevent my son and I from receiving any money. Haven't had a penny. His family don't even know my son exists!

My Dnephews "Father" stopped talking to him after CSA awarded my Dsis £5 a week. I use the term "Father loosely here since as parenting goes, hes fucking shit at it. His loss though, DN is now a lovely, intelligent 17 year old who has a nice gf he's been with for years and plans for his future. He's a credit to my Dsis and her husband whos spent the last decade raising him.

Ha

I met one of these years ago, second or third date I think it was, he mentioned how clever he was avoiding the CSA by living with his elderly mum and paying nothing for his then 8yo daughter.

So clever, so sexy.

Dumped.

I even told his mother ... that by her supporting him, she was preventing my son from any money from his father, and she's still doing it

I imagine there's a chance she knows this perfectly well, and somehow thinks she's protecting her darling little baby; she could even have been spoon fed a story about how you trapped him into parenthood and god knows what else

It will of course come back to bite her when she finds he regards her as a soft touch forever more, but that's something she'll have to sort out for herself

'Dumped'

Mine has the unbelievable cheek to complain to his Mum that he is single because he lives with her. As if it's her fault that his cock-lodging days are over.