baby daddy drama

[babyblues19]

I'm 37 weeks pregnant, due at the end of the month. My pregnancy has been a total rollercoaster of emotions and I've spent most of it crying into my pillow because of my crappy circumstances. I got pregnant by a once night stand and he said he would stick by me, a few weeks later and he left, leaving me to deal with this alone. I'm only 19 and this is all so new to me I don't know what yo expect. He has been ignoring me throughout my pregnancy and has now all of a sudden shown an interest as our baby is nearly due and its all "exciting"..he really did put me through arough ttime and never apoligised.. I'm torn between what to do now as my friends and family despise him and want me to tell him to stay out of it, I would love that too but it's not that simple as I want my child to have what he is entitled to, both parents! I don't want my child to miss out just because his father treated me badly, but at the same time I'm not sure of he will be much of a father and stick around. Its frustrating because he's not a terrible person he is just selfish and puts himself first like last week for example I asked him to contribute to the cost of the baby's things as I was going out shopping to buy them, he said he had no money and then I hear he is legless in the pub!! He has no job, sponges off his family and expects everything handed to him on a plate.. I really don't know what to do, my friends are pissed off with me for even talking to them and I don't know what the best thing would be for my child.. Please help..

As an aside, I really don't like the term "baby daddy".

Yes, he is the father to the baby but it is not one of his possessions. If he wants to be a father to the child it is completely immaterial what the baby is called.

You had sex, you don't need to be punished for doing that.

Don't talk about contact just now. You can't possibly know how your life will change after the baby.

You are not together in a relationship at this point you have no child together. You are pregnant, you need to prioritise your health. If you have stress reactive high BP that means not having anything to do with him.

Just step away. Have your baby in peace. Get yourself and the baby secure and then begin sorting out things to do with him and his family.

It is however usually much better for a baby/small child to have contact little and often. This is more natural and won't disturb the attachment process as much.

Always remember that contact is about what your baby gets out of seeing him, not what he wants.

I really can't believe you are giving this waste of space a moments thought, under the misguided (imo) belief that children need a father. Yes they need a father, which is precisely what this awful man isn't. He is truly hideous - why on earth would you want someone like this in your precious child's life?

He's dicked you around, paid pretty much zero towards the baby, treated you like shit - and is now throwing his weight around, demanding this, that and the other. In his dreams!

You have the worry of his domineering family causing trouble in the future. Girl, why on earth would you want these dreadful, dreadful people in your baby's life? They will bring nothing but trouble - and already have, in the bucket load. He's made you cry cry and cry - bcs he has treated you so very badly - at a time that should have been peaceful and calm.

So ditch this awful person out of your and your baby's life. All he has contributed is one sperm. That's it. That doesn't make him a father.

You have your lovely mum and your baby will have lovely you - that's all your baby needs for now. Shut the doors around you and get cozy and quiet so you and your baby can be calm. This is what your baby needs, not a wrecker who causes nothing but heartache, pain and anguish. Your baby doesn't need that!

He's treating the baby as a possession. If the only thing he is prepared to give is his name he can fuck right off. He is a sperm donor but not a father.

God where do these selfish, useless, gutless, worthless man children come from? Dithering over which girl he wants, grasping with money, fucking families over and then demanding things on their terms? Tell him to take a flying leap. What an absolute cockmunch.

The best thing you can do is lose this idiot man-child. Detach completely, become horrifyingly assertive and lay down the law as to what your expectations and your boundaries are.

He has no rights. I wouldn't even put his name on the birth certificate. If you do, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of difficulty. And your precious baby deserves more than that. He or she deserves to have a fully functioning parent. Nothing less is acceptable. And as the mother, you call all the shots now. Remember that.

I'm 11 years down the line, this was me. Also aged 19 and facing the prospect of bringing up my child alone.

My DD's dad didn't want anything to do with her, I literally hounded him all throughout my pregnancy and after she was born. I lost all dignity but I just wanted what I thought was best for DD. At 8 months old he turned up on my doorstep and promised us the world. I have never seen or heard from him again.

I'm over the bitterness and 'what could have been'. I realise now that what was best for my DD was not having this waste of space in her life, but having one parent who loved the bones of her and did everything she could for her. I couldn't have done it without my mum though, she was and still is a huge support.

Please don't waste your time or energy on this person. Chances are he won't change.

And I second what the pp's have said, do not register this man on your child's birth certificate. Best thing I ever did, going it alone.

Good luck, it's tough being on your own but the rewards are out of this world. I am so proud of my DD and when people compliment her and her impeccable manners I well up and get a lump in my throat because I've learnt to be really proud of myself as well.

I wish you all the best.

Tell him to push off, he's been a fat lot of support so far and you don't need the additional stress of this worthless idiot.
He won't change, believe me. He has zero rights, do not put his name on the birth certificate, you're miles better off with him out of the picture.

You need to focus on your baby, not this waste of space.