my husband got found out

[zannyminxoxox]

My husband suffers bipolar he has had it for about 5 and 1/2 years now. His bipolar makes him impulse buy, which costs us hundreds of pounds it first started off with him buying things off ebay, which then escalated into many parcels coming every day, which was ridiculous and they would be silly pointless buys that he nwver used anyway. He goes through alot of hobbies, tattooing, collecting insects, fishing, growing plants, circuit board making, making scooter engines they are just a few. These hobbies only last a few months then were left with the hoard of atuff he has brought for them. I had my last straw last year when he was buying guns ones that were real but werr deactivated. He lied about how much they cost which altogether cost £500. We have two children and ade not exactly well off. Plus he had stopped paying the rent and we had got into debt. His mum was a life saver and helped us out the debt
For this we split up for 3 months. He came back as I love him and he promised me he wouldnt lie again and he would discuss his purchases with me as he is not rational on what he spends money on. Well anyway its been a year now since we got back together, we have had no more ebay parcels unless discussed. He has a new hobby which is pellet rifles he goes to a club twice a week we agreed he could get an air rifle and a pistol to use at the club but that was it nothing else. Well anyway I have found our he has been buying things off facebook. He came home with another gun and a scope. He said the gun was the clubs gun, which i didn't believe so he swore on our childrens lives that it was the clubs gun he was borrowing, so I believed him. So the other day I still had a guy feeling he brought the gun. I dont usually snoop but I went on his facebook and he had put a picture of a totally different gun to his friend in inbox and said check out my new rifle. It had our wallpaper and table in the picture so I knew it was his. I confronted him he said he was juat makjng out it was his. I said about the wallpaper and table and he admitted he brought one and I said I suppose tou brpught ur so called club gun aswell and he said yes I did. I was furious I was so angry I kicked him out how could he lie to my face and swear on our childrens lives that he hadnt brought it when he had. This means he has 4 guns now I really dont see the need im so sick of this impulse buying and the lies that go woth it I literally cant take it anymore. Were having another baby due next april and all he cares about is buying stuff for himself. We never go out as apparently we have no money. I took over the bills as last time he got us into debt so all the moeny I have goes on the bills and food and stuff for the kids. I dont know whether to take him back. I think if I do its going to be more lies im still so hurt by what he has done at the minute I dont want him back but I think about my children and how they will not have their dad around everyday as he is a good father to them and our unborn child will only know him as a part time dad.

Glad he's stable that's a weight off your mind. Family of the boy in Easterhouse killed by the pellet gun would disagree about them being harnful probably......

My father has bipolar disorder and I know the obsessive, impulsive spending well. He (as part of the bipolar) also suffered with OCD and temporary psychosis when things were very, very bad. He used to give money and things away a lot too!

My Dad was and is an excellent father and I adore him. He was, however, unwell. The strange obsessions, the spending, the lying (oh God the lying) were only ever present when his mental health was unstable.

It took a brief stay in hospital (3 weeks), a bloody brilliant consultant and team working under him, but eventually they sorted his meds. There were times when we thought he was stable but actually, the secrecy, the hidden spending, the obsessions were there and hidden. The meds were NOT right.

There had to be things put in place so that it was manageable. My mother held the accounts and cards for a very long time. There was very close management of his condition and absolute, painful honesty had to happen.

Everything you describe is so symptomatic of the bipolar that I'm afraid I can't just tell you to leave him and expect that to be the answer. The fundamental thing which screams out is that you don't want to leave him. I do think this can be improved as a situation but I think the starting point rests on two things: absolute and total honesty with him agreeing to terms set by you and them not being broken; a complete and utter review (an honest one at which you are present) of the way his bipolar is managed.

Don't let anyone tell you that pellet guns aren't harmful. There are pellet guns/air rifles that can shoot bullets. Reduced velocity, but still fatal. If you know 'all about' gun safety, then you know that already.

You cannot defend a mentally unstable man having guns in the house alongside his young children. Don't even bother. Pellet guns can and do kill. So do guns that husbands secretly acquire without telling their wives (not a possibility? Really?) Nobody said your husband doesn't love the children but he certainly doesn't respect their lives when he was willing to swear on them to hide his own guilt. I think you need to protect your children from this bad situation.

He's not a good father. He's spending his money on guns and crap instead of buying stuff for you and the children and the baby that's coming.

If you take him back, ensure his money is paid straight into the account you pay bills from, and then used for whatever is necessary. What's left is split, part goes into savings, and then you get half each of what's left as spending money.

Is he on medication? You mention a counsellor, but what about medication?

If you have bipolar at this level, you need to be in medication.