'You're not right in the head'!

[tessie31082]

ExDP told me tonight that I 'wasn't right in the head' after I asked him about something our 2 1/2 year old DS said Monday night (after he'd been in bed for 20 mins and called me up to tell me) after he'd been to grandparents with exDP for a bath (there is a thread from last week with a bit of backstory - sorry don't know how to link - only asked for a break last week). When I asked him what he wanted he told me 'it's difficult at nanny and pops and daddy says he liked playing with me tonight' now I don't think a 2 1/2 year old could possibly make that up but my exDP said I must have or DS must have made it up and I 'wasn't right in the head' as nothing had been said to him direct or indirect that evening! I calmly asked him to leave as I was seething (he's staying at his parents 3 doors down from me) as our DS had just gone to bed and didn't want him to hear us! I'm already still not sure about how I feel about him after our row over a week ago then DS says that and then exDP says that tonight! Right now I don't want him back!!
Is it just the situation that's made him say that or was he saying it for a reaction? He's very hot headed and has always had a bit of a temper (never violent)! Anyone else had this?
Tessie

SOrry, I am not sure what you argued about.

Him putting emotional blackmail on your son "Oh I wish I could come home but mummy wont let me" kind of stuff, or do you think he has been inappropriate with your son in the bath?

Either way, the fact that he immediately went on the insulting defensive shows that yes, he probably did say/do whatever your son said and he doesnt like the fact that you know.

Sorry, I can see on the second read what you meant, been a long day.

I wouldnt want him back either.

On a third read I still don't understand...

I'm sorry OP, I can't work it out either.

Are you annoyed that he told his son it's difficult at his parent's house?

Sorry Op. I am also confused, I have read your post twice but i still can't work out what you actually are asking us to comment on?

Can anyone link the Backstory?
It looks like that might help

I don't get it either sorry

I think that she means that ex was saying to the son how horrible it is for Daddy at Gma and Gpa's house and how much he has enjoyed seeing DS today, so emotional blackmail, possibly hoping that son will say "I want Daddy to come home".

I could be misreading it though!

Yeh don't understand this question at all?

Another one who's confused.
In my experience though, "you aren't right in the head" is something thrown by abusive men to shut you up when you don't toe their line. And when I say my experience, I mean my personal experience and the experiences of about 35 women I met at a course for survivors and victims of domestic abuse and also about 15 others I met in the women's centre at other courses and drop ins. It's one of the many common experiences we all shared with abusive partners or ex partners.

Just ignore it. Silly comments your ex says in the heat of an argument are not important and not worth trying to analyse.

What's more important is a calm atmosphere for your son.

I'm not sure what was so bad about what your son said that needed bringing up with your ex and having an argument about.

I'm interested in your comment about you telling him to leave because you were seething. If you have separated, why was he in your home?

I don't know your back story but this reads a bit as if you are trying to find things that you can feel aggrieved about to justify ending the relationship. You don't need to. If you want to end it, you can just do it without the arguments.

I'm also not sure about what exactly your DS said (although Bogey's interpretation makes sense!)

But I agree with Makstout about the phrase your ex used. My first boyfriend once said to me: 'you're off your rocker' and I remember exactly his tone of voice, even though it was 20 years ago. Of all the unpleasant, manipulative and cruel things he said and did, that one phrase really stuck with me as being evidence of his abusive nature (though I did not recognise it as such at the time).

Sorry, I'm rubbish at trying to explain things, sometimes I have to get things out then forget to check they make sense before posting! I was trying to say what bogey face has said! And I wondered if anyone else had experience of their DP / exDP using that phrase or similar and whether they thought it a heat of the moment thing?! Thanks for your comments though and sorry for confusing you!

Have a read through any thread that mentions divorce, they often do it.

A common one is when a cheating man is chucked out and tells the kids "I didnt want to leave, mummy made me go, I want to come home" or "Mummy doesnt love Daddy anymore but I love her and I love you and I dont like not living with you". No mention of Daddys shite behaviour, they put it all on us.

Sadly, not all parents have their kids best interests at heart, and that is often highlighted after a split.

Be prepared for this to get worse if you do stay apart (and I think you should), keep a record of every time it happens, what DS says and ex's reaction when you call him on it. Also be ready for the behaviour that caused you to seperate to get worse if you let him back, because are telling him that after a bit of a strop and week at his mums, he can come home and do what he likes.

Personally I think you should get rid for good.