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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

To think he's taking the actual piss

23 replies

Tomfoolerywot · 07/10/2015 18:50

Just started seeing a guy. This is our first proper 'date'...or was supposed to be. He's just stood me up!

I went back home and he texted me a few mins later saying 'sorry family friends came round'

I ignored it and now he's sending me texts asking me to message him and that he likes me [err] am I right in thinking he can't have it both ways? What do I say?

OP posts:

TendonQueen · 07/10/2015 18:51

So he just wasn't going to show up? Or did he arrive late and find you'd gone?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/10/2015 18:52

Say nothing and block him. Have nothing more to do with him.

tableanadchairs · 07/10/2015 18:52

nothing-just ignore

He could have text you a lot earlier-tosser

Original poster

Tomfoolerywot · 07/10/2015 18:53

He never left his house because the people came round.

This is just bizarre.

OP posts:

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 18:54

What a cockwomble. Tell him to get to fuck.
Chalk it up to experience and move on.
How long did you wait for him before you went home?

goddessofsmallthings · 07/10/2015 18:54

Absolutely what Attila has said. Don't respond, block him, and move on.

TendonQueen · 07/10/2015 18:54

It's a poor effort either way for a first date. He may well like you, but if he's not prepared to be hugely apologetic and offer to make it up to you at the very least, it's a bad look out. If he's being half arsed about that, it's a non starter. How long have you 'known' him and how much have you invested in this, emotionally?

Inexperiencedchick · 07/10/2015 18:56

Raise the bar higher.
You settle once for this he will come up with something else next time.
When he finally will find someone less tolerant he will jump to her leaving you behind.
He could let you know before hand if he had people around and arrange the date for another day.

Block and move on.

DixieNormas · 07/10/2015 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spudlike1 · 07/10/2015 18:56

Imagine he never even existed ...you'll have forgotten him in a fortnight ( even sooner if you block his no. )

He's arrogant btw ...a polite person wouldn't do this

TendonQueen · 07/10/2015 18:56

Oh if he just never showed up, but only sent a lame message later, that's a sign it's not worth keeping on with. You'll always get binned off for other things.

Offred · 07/10/2015 19:00

Yeah, don't respond.

This is how my current relationship began and it's been a real roller coaster. We've broken up a number of times. He's still selfish and immature and a flake almost 3 years on.

We're not serious (because he's a flake and I'm happy alone) but exclusive and although I love him I think at least so far the pain and heartbreak of the last three years could have been avoided if I had not let him talk me round before I became involved.

Bogeyface · 07/10/2015 19:00

Wow, he does that on a first date?! Can you imagine what he would be like after 6 months?

Block and ignore.

Offred · 07/10/2015 19:02

For two years he actively gas lighted me and convinced me I was the problem and no-one else would have an issue with being stood up etc.

Don't let that happen to you.

HellKitty · 07/10/2015 19:05

Bet he's married!

Elendon · 07/10/2015 19:05

Confine him to the dustbin, and let's hope you won't be alone in doing this.

He can find comfort in the bosom of his family.

Berylpeep · 07/10/2015 19:15

Tell him to jog on.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 07/10/2015 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToastedOrFresh · 08/10/2015 10:19

Yes, he is taking the actual piss.

I got messed around by a guy who suffered from migraines. Usually when it was his turn to drive the 45 minutes to my place. Basically, he would phone me at 7pm to say he couldn't make it. He would have known at 6.15pm that he couldn't drive over.

Anyway, looking back and with fresh evidence from when he got in touch a few years after we split asking to meet up just for a drink, I realise that he's probably not a nice person to know. (He got out of the drink meetup by telling me his girlfriend had noticed the diary entry of us meeting because he had deliberately left his diary open on the relevant page and asked him not to meet me. It was only a friendly catch up.

I didn't realise how manipulative and calculating this 'nice guy' was at the time of us dating. Glad it didn't last between us. Glad he thinks I'm a fool.) He got to make his girlfriend jealous and see if I was still interested into the bargain. Wanker. The fact that, looking back, I reckon the whole thing was a set up and he had no intention of meeting me was neither here nor there.

Also, a different bloke stood me up and I was at the pub feeling like a lemon. It was obvious to anyone looking on that I'd been stood up. I contacted him and said, 'that was brutal'. Eventually his pathetic excuse was that he doesn't leave work until 6pm so he couldn't meet me at 7pm. Um, so, why did you agree to meet me at the pub at that time ? He also tried to give me some garbage excuse about it being his child's birthday or something.

We tried to agree to another meet up but we were clutching at straws by then. He gave me his work e-mail address and said I could contact him. He didn't exactly utter the immortal line, 'my door's still open' Which is guy-speak for, 'I know I treated you like shit but if you ever fancy repeating the experience, you know how to get in touch with me.'

So, OP, it's up to you. Yes, I accept these things happen, but, do you really need another excuse from the excuse meister ? Also, if he sees what you will put up with, you will just get more of the same.

To be blunt, he bottled out of the date. Go find a real man.

0dfod · 08/10/2015 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NumbBlaseCold · 08/10/2015 19:54

Don't bother to respond just block.

He is very rude and very not worth a second chance.

niceupthedance · 08/10/2015 20:55

Just fuck him off.

VelvetSpoon · 08/10/2015 21:06

I've been cancelled on at the last minute by a few guys (most of whom then disappeared into the ether so saved me worrying whether to give them a second chance). I also once got rather horribly stood up...arranged to meet bloke in pub. Arrive and text him saying 'hello I'm here, where are you?' (he'd text me a few mins earlier to say he'd arrived)...no reply then 5 mins later I get a text saying sorry he had an emergency and had to leave!

I called him rude and a bullshitter. He asked for another chance, swore he was telling the truth but I didn't believe him, and wasn't prepared to have my time wasted again. Fool me once, etc.

The Ps to that story is the very next week I met the man who's now my bf, who is amazing and has never messed me around

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