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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me stop cyber 'stalking'

7 replies

silentlywatching · 07/10/2015 13:14

A few weeks ago I split from my BF of 2 years. It was his decision not mine (no big reason just things not working) and I still care about him deeply. I know I should go NC and I haven't seen him for about 3 weeks but modern technology makes it difficult to cut off completely. He's part of my extended group of friends and so i don't want to block him on FB etc because we are still going to have to interact regularly and I feel i should be able to be quite grown up about this.

The problem is exBF is good mates with another female friend but they have also always been quite flirty (well she's flirty with everyone). I've taken to watching their online statuses to find out if they're interacting. Over the past week or so I've noticed that they are both on Facebook regularly at the same time and for the same length of time. And my mind is going into overdrive with jealousy and the feeling that I've been replaced. I know the answer is just to stop looking but it's like an addiction. Can some sensible MNetters just knock some sense into me please.

OP posts:
amybeth11 · 07/10/2015 13:32

I still stalk some of my exes, it's a fairly normal thing to do with all the social media stalking tools at our fingertips, but you're really going to drive yourself insane at this rate.

So what if they get together? You're not going to be able to do anything about it. If it will happen, it will happen, regardless of if you stalk and apprehend it or not.

You need to stop focusing on them and focus more on you. If she is any decent friend of yours then she will know that flirting online with him for you to see is a shitty thing to do. If it really bothers you maybe ask another friend to talk to her about it?

How about instead of going on to their profiles, you find something else to distract you instead? Open youtube and go on a spree of random videos? Clean something?

If it gets really really bad, maybe take a facebook vacation. Just for a week, see how free your mind becomes!

Sorry if any of that sounds blunt, I'm a believer in tough love! You'll be okay.

Saltfish · 07/10/2015 13:44

How is it the adult thing to not block someone? Or is it honestly more so he can confirm your worries about this other girl? Do yourself a big favour and block him. That is the only way you can begin to move on. I'm afraid you're keeping yourself stuck now and unfortunately now you're not together he is free to do as he pleases.

Robotgirl · 07/10/2015 15:24

Facebook is so peculiar (IMHO). Maybe either block him or just come off it all together. Then you can concentrate on stuff that makes you feel happy instead of shit.

BrightonMum36 · 07/10/2015 16:55

I had a similar experience this year, this is going to sound a bit extreme but it worked really well for me. Take yourself completely off Facebook for a while. As in, disable your account. A good while. I did for three months and it did me the world of good. My friends still had my phone number/email obviously to stay in contact with me so I didn't miss out on seeing important people, and it just made me feel totally in control and calm about the situation. I came away, self healed, met someone else and then just enabled my account and all was fine. People even said they missed me!
I highly recommend it. Oh and I just became addicted to mumsnet in the meantime which gave me something to do when I was tempted back online!!

Robotgirl · 07/10/2015 17:26

Haha Brighton mum. I did the same thing 18 months ago.. And never went back on FB. As you said, still in touch with friends via text & phone. Facebook bought up a lot of negative emotions for me with a particular ex. Now I just lurk on here & see real friends in real life Smile

fulldutypaid · 07/10/2015 23:00

Its early days OP and I think most of us can hold our hands up and say we've been guilty of it, I for one have.

The only way would be to come off facebook and do you want to be that extreme?

Give it time. You'll find yourself doing less and less until it's no longer an issue.

fulldutypaid · 07/10/2015 23:02

Even if you block someone and they block you, you can you can still see their profile and or any new picture they put up if you search Grin

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