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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

the physical relationship

31 replies

dad0f3iii · 06/10/2015 23:37

Hi all. Im new firstly and yes Im a Dad. I hope this is ok. Ive only ever used this website/forum from afar for hints and tips on bringing up my boys. Been very helpful but never posted. The reason I post is just for some advice regarding my relationship with my wife. We have been married for almost 8 years and together for over 10 years and have 3 gorgeous boys. We had kids early into marriage only being married on our own for 1.5 years. We rarely have any sort of regular sex, around once every couple of weeks or monthly is some instances. But she hates it and she has for a long time. Last year she almost ended up having an affair but it never got to that stage as it all came to the surface when I confronted her after a tip off from a friend. She denied it at first but eventually after days of arguing she admitted it. We want to stay together because we get on really well and we love each other very much. (Im sure she does)(She does tell me as I tell her). What I dont know what to do is how to fix the physical relationship. Its always been a bit of touchy subject in our relationship from the start. She says she just plain doesnt enjoy it and never has in her life even before I met her. I do enjoy it and I would like our relationship to include that side of life more regularly and for both of us to want to and to enjoy it. I suppose Im also just wondering if other couples in a similar situation with kids that sex is just a no no. Or am I unreasonable to want that and go on about it as much as I do with her. she hates talking about it etc. Im just at a loss. Any help please. Or if this is the wrong place please let me know too.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 07/10/2015 18:31

OP, do you think your wife is actually happy in the relationship - outside of sex being an issue? Do you have fun together, support each other, happily go out as a family? Or do your entire lives consist of work/childcare/chores and you hopefully getting your cock out every night and her running away?

dad0f3iii · 07/10/2015 19:12

She says she's happy. At times i would agree and other times I wouldn't. We're not very affectionate. I'll kiss her on my to work or if I head out. As does she to me. I tell her I love her as she does to me. We hug on occasion but it's at her initiation as I don't wanna piss her off with being all over her as she says. I will hug her very occasionally. We sit as a family at dinner and it's nice and happy. We do stuff as a family when time permits. Sat at the weekend together watching a film cosied up on couch. But a lot of nights are spent in the living room together where she's busy doing work or on her days off she'll be busy on her phone/computer. Says she's buying Christmas birthday presents sorting photos, she likes photography. And I dunno what else she does. Chats to friends on fb whatsapp etc. I'll be watching tv. We go out together when time permits. Her birthday is soon so I'm taking her out shopping and for some dinner. Maybe get out together every couple of months. We chat and generally have a nice time.

OP posts:
dad0f3iii · 07/10/2015 19:13

She is very organised when it comes to Christmas shopping. Pretty much all sorted for this year.

OP posts:
MatrixReloaded · 07/10/2015 21:20

It sounds like your wife is spending a lot of time in the evenings chatting to Facebook friends. This is possibly because she's bored and they're providing the stimulating conversations that you are not.

I would die of boredom if I only went out every couple of months. It really sounds like you need to get out more and do some fun things together. If that's not possible do you have any couple friends you could invite round for dinner sometimes ? The monotony of work, kids, dinner , bed can be incredibly dull.

Do you ever get out on your own with male friends? Do you have any hobbies of your own ?

dad0f3iii · 07/10/2015 22:13

I don't get out a lot again once every couple of months. Would like to but it ain't cheap and babysitters is a problem when we both wanna go out. Yeah got hobbies. Footie once a week. Go out climbing as much as I can. Mrs gets out too. Obviously we need to do more together.

OP posts:
MakStout · 07/10/2015 22:26

Does she want to enjoy sex?

Does she have something in her past that affects her ability to enjoy sex? Something like her religious upbringing, or more sinister, fgm? Rape? Sexual abuse as a child or as an adult?

Something in her present that affecting it? Prolapse? Painful or numb scarring from childbirth? Incontinence? Vaginal dryness? Worry about kids catching you at it?

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