Seriously how to deal with other half's family???

[Honestlyme]

He used to live with his grandparents as his parents split and things went pear shaped. I used to get on well with his grandmother, but recently Ican't do anything right. They haven't spoken to me in four months and they're upset because my children don't recognise them. One is 17 months and the other is 4 months. What do they expect. They have recently taken to going to my partners work and bitching at him about me in front of customers. and everyone he works with and his boss. he is currently a temp, and we really need him to still have the job after christmas but that's beginning to look unlikely. His boss is considering barring his grandparent as what they are doing is harrassment. they repeatedly tell him to leave me.

As i'm from Ireland, we planned to go on holiday there in july to visit my side of the family, and attend a wedding. They told him not to go because my parents have ulterior motives for inviting us. but they didn't invite us, we asked. but we could not get them to understand that. They made a big deal about my mother, a nurse, giving us contraception advice. They said she had no right, because i'm adopted so she's not really my mother, and therefore she can't offer her advice. Apparently. you can imagine how upsetting that was especially when they said that we shouldn't let my parent near the kids, as they aren't biologically related!

What annoys me most of all, i was thanking our babysitter for looking after the kids when we went out for the second time in two years. his grandmother rang while we were out. here is a transcript of the converstation

bs: hello?
GM: hello, may i speak to J please?
BS: he's not here, he's at his birthday party. can i take a message
GM: they've gone out and left a young girl in charge of the kids
BS: i'm in my thirties. i have four kids
GM: oh, you're z, Well, i can sleep sound in my bed tonight knowing that someone sensible is looking after the kids, for a change.

Seriously someone tell me how to deal with them, because they are slowly driving me insane!

PS sorry its so long.

You poor thing - this is just ghastly for you. It would be manageable if they were just ignored you, but to jeprodise dp's job is well over the line of what's acceptable. Can you ask his boss to bar them from his place of work (if you can and/or if dp can take it). Better the preemptive strike - then his boss knows you know it's unacceptable and it may just keep him his job.

Is there any particular reason tehy dislike you so much or are they just nuts? how does DP feel about it? will he stand up for you?

They are ignorant and hurtful, how does your dp feel about them? I would encourage him to see them with the kids but I would steer clear of them yourself. You are a grown up and you don't have to put up with other grown ups who are rude and insensitive to you.

He tries to deal with them as best he can, he doesn't want them barred as they'll just start bitching at him outside work, but it's getting beyond a joke. His dad doesn't know what they want. he does stand up for me but they just ignore him. they have taken to telling him that i should have accepted advice from them while everything was fine and that i didn't know what i was doing with my own children. They are really horrible people. they want to come to our flat to visit him but they don't want me there. They have repeatedly told him not to listen to me and to talk to him. i never told him not to talk to them. They are his family so its up to him. They seem to think i am deliberately stopping them from seeing the kids, because i refused to upset their routines. I go to college three days a week so the kids go to nursery which they love. So i didn't want to stop them from going, but they didn't know that the kids wouldn't be there and didn't turn up anyway. We rang them at seven in the evening and asked why they hadn't come and they said they had to help someone with some DIY.