i am going on my first date in 15 months on monday.......

[sanchpanch]

and i am so so so nervous,

ex left me for another women and my self esteem is very low

i have lost weight and do feel slightly better about myself, but could do with losing 2 more stone,

feel like canceling until i have lost a bit more weight.

any tips on how to survive the awful first date,

Hi- good on you taking the plunge (I think i remember some of your posts about the time you split)
I've not been in the position myself ( thouigh did face the prospect of it 3 years ago when my dh had an affair and at one point it looked as though he'd leave-we are still together)
I canhowever relate to the huge knock in self esteem and how you have reservations about a date after so long HOWEVER- whoever is meeting you for this date has chosen to go on a date with you as you are NOW- so don't worry too much about your weight (keep losing it IF you feel it makes YOU feel better) they want to get to know the you of today - not a model that is "work in progress"
They probably have some personal hang ups too (belly not flat, losing hair etc etc) I think we all have when we get past the first flush of youth.
So go, try just enjoy the company of someone else, it's only the first date so take it slowly- be honest and be yourslef (not someone you think you should be)If he's worth anything at all it's YOu NOW he want to get to know and will be asking the same of you about himself.
HAVE FUN-you deserve it (let's know how it goes) Take care honey

Hi Sanchpanch

You posted on my (slightly) related thread last week and I just wanted to wish you loads of luck! Ditto maturer's comments and I'm sure he's probably feeling just as nervous as you are. Have a really great time

he's looking to buy the finished model, not the blueprint.

Look at it this way. Could you reasonably say to the bloke "Sorry, i am far to fat to go on a date with you, I am defrauding you of the beautiful sexy woman you believe me to be, and landing you with Mrs Walrus inste4ad!"

he will think you are a loony and will wonder what sort of magic underwear you were wearing when he asked you out that could make you seem like a normal attractive woman, while you are convinced you are too porky.

Ramble ramble. In short, don't be silly. Aned don't shag him.

Sanchpanch - I agree with maturer. Understand that you are nervous as it's been a while BUT if you have got as far as going on a date then it's because the guy thinks you'd be nice to go on a date with, he's presumably not a Weight Watchers Rep so just relax on that front!

If you have the opportunity then go and buy yourself some nice new underwear (or just matching bra and knickers) because that will instantly make you feel better and raise your self-esteem. Even if you have no intention of your date seeing it, you will know that you are wearing it and I'm sure that will make you feel good (top tip, do not wait until you've got to your goal weight, if we all did that we'd be wondering around in greying stuff with no elastic ).

So, shave anything that you need to shave in order to make yourself feel feminine and attractive. Put your new matching underwear on. Leave any weight insecurities at home (very unattractive to men who will not even begin to notice all the things that you worry about yourself) go out there and try and relax (it's a date, not a competition) and be an attractive, sexy, fun date and, most importantly, have a good evening.

See ... easy heh .
Hope you have a good one!

thanks everyone, very very helpful, great tip about the underwear,

think the body image thing is more about how i feel, i know how much better i feel for losing weight so i guess i think if i could lose a bit more then i would feel even better,

this is going to sound so silly but it all feels so right with him we kind of had a fate meeting, and it feels like it might be meant to be!!! and i dont want to ruin any chance of happiness i might have,
not that i am unhappy being single because i am most definately not and i have needed the last 15 months to repair my broken heart, and i do feel ready to date again, just wish i was slimmer
if i was wearing a dress i would go and purchase a magic dress huggy thing but i am planning on wearing jeans and a grey shirt dress,- hopefully this will be ok what do you think?

don't cancel ....ENJOY

good luck

Think the jeans and grey shirt dress sounds very nice indeed. Doesn't sound silly at all that you've met this guy and it all feels right. Just try and go with the flow and take it one day at a time though because otherwise if you convince yourself that he is the one then you will be propelling this first date out of all proportion when actually it's about both of you enjoying the evening and having a good time and not all about what he thinks of you.

Think positive thoughts, think sexy attractive self, think about the date as being something fun to look forward to it and ... try and relax and enjoy yourself. Bet you have a really great evening!

thanks for the wise advice snow storm, at the moment i border on excitment then flip to bent over tummy churning what the hell am i doing!!!

Have fun, hope it goes well. And wear nice shoes.

Yes, nice shoes, but shoes that are comfortable too.

sanchpanch - isn't that how everyone feels on first dates??

Hi Sanchpanch

Know it's your big day tomorrow - really hope all goes well for you. Have been thinking about you partly as my fledgling e-mail 'friendship' has been going well, we have now exchanged photos, and can really empathize at just how nervous you are feeling as I am getting totally worked up at even the thought of a potential first date, (pathetic isn't it)let alone a real one!! Do hope you let us know how you get on and take care

sanchpanch - man here. Please do forget about the weight as much as possible. The stereo-type that we admire/find stick insects sexy is rubbish. If you are chatty, relaxed, appear a "kind" person,and interested, these things go alot further than being a Barbie-shape.

And, if you do 'hit it off', watch the weight drop off, as you stop eating through excitement rather than fear!!

Very best of luck!