Did you have a happy childhood?

[Londonladybird]

I am lucky I think mine wasn't too bad compared to many. I have an ok relationship with my parents..could be worse. But how do you give your kids a really happy life? How do you be the parents that your children love, and feel loved by. so if you have a great family life please share your wisdom

Not really no....
Had a paranoid schizophrenic dad who did truly awful nasty bullying vile things to us and a mother who did nothing about it.
She stayed with him 30 years. They are now divorced and married to other people. Sadly he was so bad we never saw the bad in my mum... She is also a bully with a bad temper.
It's shit. I still allow myself to be bullied by them both so have little contact. I was still walking on egg shells and vieing for attention
I love my son's but am too soft due to being crap with confrontation etc but I try...

Dear god, reading some of these... words escape me.

for everyone.

I know - I can't quite get my head around it all.
Why have kids at all if you are gonna make their lives misery?
So glad I have my parents.
So sad for so many of you.
But most of you have overcome most of it!?

I'm so sorry to read about how many people had a horrible childhood.

Mine was really great, my parents loved and supported us unconditionally and still do. Probably don't appreciate them enough after reading this thread.

In general yes.
I have mostly happy memories and no abuse.

I guess in relation to DS only he'll be able to tell when he's a grown up, but he seems like a happy boy who shares stuff with me. This is very important as he's been through a divorce with dv and has supervised and Skype contact with his dad.
I try to be as much non judgemental as I can and to listen and ask probing questions.

So sorry to those of you that went through the mill. You should never have been treated like that.

We all deserved a happy, loved childhood where we were cared for and cherished and I feel so sad for those of us where that did not happen.

I'm an only child and I think the worse thing for me was feeling lonely. I always seemed to feel anxious that something would happen to my parents. There would have been a gran and aunt who would have stepped immediately into the breach but that wasn't the same. ( I don't know if this was an echo from the fact I was born 7 years after the war ended and Britain was just picking up and the last of rationing was just getting phased out)

I was a much loved and wanted child and I definitely wasn't spoilt. I longed for a sister and the spare bed in my bedroom just seem to be mocking me.

I also was the depositry of all my parents hopes and dreams so yes my career was mapped out. I was to be a teacher and I went along fairly happily with that. I didn't like the extra homework my dad gave me but I can see how his love for me meant he just wanted me to do well especially in the run up to the 11 plus, which I passed thank god. I don't think I could have coped with his disappointment.

Home was a safe place. Dad would have killed anyone who touched me. There was no sense of lack in my home. We had two holidays a year and were the first in the street to get a car. I was always well fed and clothed and had a childless aunt and uncle round the corner who adored me.

Just wish I'd had a sister.

As a mum myself and I had more than one. I did my best and got it wrong a lot and still do but I loved the very bones of my kids and my grandkids.

A work in progress...lol

I realise I've hardly mentioned my mum. She is/ was lovely. There was no messing with her but she was full of fun. A proper homemaker. Dad wouldn't let her go to work. She made me beautiful dresses. Kept a tidy home. Wouldn't let me do chores. She didn't want me to be a drudge. Bless her. Made the best spotted dick on the planet.....just not often enough for my liking.

When I was 18 I got her a job in a local betting shop as I was sick of coming home from school and finding her asleep. I'd just had my training for a holiday job. I came home taught her the bets and off she went the next day and got a job. She ended up managing her own shop.

She blossomed after that!

No.......my parents were divorced . My dad was not added with us at all, never visited,never even sent Xmas or bday cards. My mum was just lazy,I was kept of school 2days a week to go and pay bills at post office and buy food which I had to get back home on the bus! Rest of her money went on tags,so if the food ran out we went hungry.(I actually ate a raw onion out of a bin once as I was so hungry) on the days I was sent to school,I was bullied for being smelly ( clothes were never washed,I was never washed!!) I had one pair of shoes that had to last all year. San pro was a rag or even newspaper sometimes. I could go on but no point. Left at 16 ,have 2 lovely dds and I'm quite blase about it now,I don't dwell on it,just get on

Yes, I did, lovely and simple, grew up in the middle of nowhere, Dad worked hard (engineer) and spent every spare minute gardening or doing something around the house. We lived in an old farmhouse, crumbling around the edges but loved and a real home.

Mum was a music teacher and always at home when we arrived back from school, fantastic cook too. We used to fight for the warm bread as it came out of the oven.

I felt very loved, had lots of freedom. We used to take picnics and disappear off to the local woods or ride to the next village or two away in the holidays.

All a bit famous five. We weren't rich but had everything we needed - like an ancient pony and a really knackered bike . Was never that close to my siblings though which is probably the only thing I would change.

If DD looked back on their childhood as I do mine I would be really pleased with myself.

yes mainly but brother spoilt it.

I would have to say - no.

My mother became a single parent when I was 4, just after we'd moved to a new village. We had no extended family, so she was always stressed and skint so we didn't have a lot of luxuries.

At the age of 7, I was sexually abused by a babysitter and got expelled from school shortly afterwards to acting up (no, no charges were ever brought up). Then grew up being the bullied outcast who had no friends and got beaten up in school on a regular basis. A step dad came on the scene when I was about 10 who hated me and made sure I knew it all my fault I was being picked on because I was just weird.

It took me a few years to get my head straight after leaving school. I'm just trying to make my 3 kids childhoods better than mine was. I hope I'm doing a good job of it.

No. It was miserable.

My daily prayer is that my kids will be able to say that they had a happy childhood, though.

These stories on here are tough. Hugs all around.

No, my dad is emotionally abusive and my mum never defended me and encouraged him. They were physically abusive with punishments and always seemed disappointed in me, they were physically abusive to our dogs growing up. My mother always wanted to be nothing like her mum but she was worse. My mum would have a tantrum and turn vile when she didn't get her way and my mum & dad got themselves into debt which they refused to pay back. My dad had an affair and my mum continued to take him back until he left when I was 14 and then got into more debt and my father is a compulsive liar that can't keep a job. I'm no contact with my dad and his new wife as he's a vile person and I keep my mum at arms length. My parents never gave a shit and aren't sorry for what they did.

Not bad until 11. DM was quite dangerous when the PMS kicked in, but there were 4 of us (5 if you count DF) so the first one to get hit warned the others. We got quite good at cookery and housework, and the high pain threshold is handy. She taught us to think in straight lines, DF taught us cunning. We lived in the country, so we made our own entertainments.

After 11 I was at boarding school. Not much fun until my height and weight kicked in. The only good bit was helping on the dairy farm next door; I can still strip an udder, fit the machine and avoid the kicks.

I never felt unwanted, although I could done with a bit less intensity.

Weirdly, yes. My childhood did damage me, because my parents were damaged individuals themselves, but they also clearly loved me and were honestly doing their best. Which is doubly amazing since our family went through some pretty traumatic times (death of my sibling) which they were emotionally ill-equipped to deal with, and still we pulled through.

So they handed on to me their own anxiety and low self-esteem and a tendency to be a rescuer. But I never doubted that I was loved, growing up. I did doubt that I was lovable, though, and still do, since my mother was erratic and very critical, and my father her passive lackey. If that makes sense. They loved me and meant well, but were shit at being consistent or respectful or truly present.

I also lived in the country and had animals and good education and lots of great holidays, and that really stands out in my childhood memories.

To answer your question, OP, I now believe that the very best thing parents can do to ensure happy children and healthy grown-ups is to show their children respect, consistency, openness and attention in addition to love and affection.

Those are the things that were lacking in my childhood, despite the love I got, and that has left its mark.

I had a privileged childhood - I was still miserable at times due to social issues at school and bullying. My parents were always a port in the storm, there with a hug and a plan.

I think that children need safety, first and foremost. They need to feel that they have someone on their side.

After the age of 5 my childhood was a happy one.
Before that, it was the stuff of nightmares. After my biological father was gone, I turned into a normal, bubbly child within days. I didn't really know why it had stopped, or where he was, I just knew I was safe. It was only as a teenager that I started to be affected by my early childhood.
But I am so grateful to that man who brought me up - he literally saved my mum's life and gave me and my sister the best childhood he possibly could I remember vividly the first Christmas we spent with the man I call Dad - it was magical! That is my earliest memory of genuine happiness

Mostly yes.

Loving parents if slightly overbearing parents, and close extended family. I was always fed clothed and warm. We didn't have much money but it didn't really matter.

No, it was "damaged and disturbed" according to one therapist. That's all I want to say online!

No, although I was clean and fed my DF was emotionally abusive and my DM was passive and dominated by him.
He caused his children to be anxious and passed on his lack of self esteem, cup half full outlook. He was seriously nasty on occasion and I shudder to think of my little innocent self being welcomed into the world by him.
I didn't feel loved by either of my parents. I think I suffered from depression from quite a young age.

However, I have had mounds of counselling and have told my DCs endlessly how much I love them. It is hard though, when it has been a struggle to love yourself.
Having a happy childhood is a priceless start in life. I always try and reply to posts on MUMNET that begin....my 2.5 year( etc) is driving me mad, to such an extent that I have shouted at her. It makes me feel sick as I remember being shouted at and sneered at and how I felt.
Children are so precious.

Mainly no and have been so desperate to give mine all I missed that at times I feel they are not grateful!
Swings and roundabouts but have done my best!
Ps...not just talking materialism but mainly love and affection.

On the whole, not really 'happy' but there were certainly happy times, just not the feeling of overall happiness I have now.

I know I make my own mistakes but I am not repeating those of my mother.
I know there are harsh moments but there are also many, many close and beautiful moments. I know that my memories of them will be different to my dcs, but they are old enough now to be able to reminisce and I know they remember good times.
There just has to be a lot of love around, a lot of listening and checking. Bringing good people into memories, and frankly not spending time with people who won't behave well to you or your children.

This is so sad with many of these stories. I feel very privileged that I had a very happy childhood. Not well off in terms of material things but I had everything that mattered, unconditional love, security,support and lots of time.
I have done the same with mine- given them roots and wings.

Yes and no.

Sexually abused by neighbours, father was an alcoholic, my mother had serious anxiety/shame issues, severe bullying by kids in neighbourhood because my father was having it off with half the town and wreaking havoc and, despite both my parents being gainfully employed, we had NO money, the roof in the kitchen had a gaping hole in it, the oven broke and couldn't be fixed so we lived on cold foods for a long time, had to scrape about the house looking for pennies so Dad could go fora bottle of vodka . So that sucked.

But I had absolutely fabulous grandparents and spent a lot of time at their house, and have lots of wonderful memories of roaming through fields chasing frogs and rabbits and drinking ginger beer and making fairy dens. I was also a bookworm and certainly convinced myself I was living in an Enid Blyton novel quite frequently.

I don't really remember it as being that bad these days. I feel I was lucky that there wasn't a lot of violence (though there was a strong level of emotional abuse). They were also very loving in some ways. The inconsistency has contributed to me feeling anxiety but at the same time I wouldn't say I didn't know what it was like to be loved. I think they were terribly stressed and immature, not particularly bad people. This helps.

For my own kids, having had a lot of therapy, my aim is just to give them a relatively ordinary sort of life where people can feel what they feel and things are fairly regular and consistent. I'm not perfect with my kids but they know they will be fed, clothed, bathed, hugged, kissed, chatted and read to. I hope they know they matter hugely in this world.