Lonely although never alone....

[MumEve]

Do any of you feel lonely all the time? I moved to the UK 10 years ago and am completely happy to be here, regarding the UK as my home and with no intention of moving elsewhere again. I have a wonderful child and a great husband, a lovely house and stimulating career. I have a large circle of friends in the UK through work and mums groups, as well as an unusually social group of neighbours. I make every effort to meet new people and arrange social events.

But it?s all so superficial and I have a great feeling of loneliness that I carry with me all the time. In the last 10 years I would have hoped to ?click? with even just one person, to have made some deeper connection and find friends I can really talk to, share my feelings and get along with really well. All the interaction seems to be work or child focused and in many ways trivial. I have tried to share personal details or feelings in the hopes of unlocking some deeper responses back, but in the main, lovely lovely though they all are, the level of conversation and sense of connection is just missing. I am always so keen to meet new people just in case they might be the one new friend who bonds with me as only women can.

I know I?m capable of deeper friendships as I still maintain long distance friendships with friends I have had for the last 30 years, since school. All my close friends seem so far away now and long distance it?s impossible to share daily feelings and one tends to talk (when you do talk) about only the big things when it?s long distance. My husband is a typical man in the sense that he?s no real substitute for someone to natter with ? whether about a new lipstick, putting on weight, global warming or over-analysing a behaviour or incident.

So, I feel unbearably lonely all of the time. I can?t believe that it?s just as a result of moving to a new country that I can?t enjoy the close supportive friendship of other women, especially after all this time. This is hard to explain and I hope it makes sense - thanks for letting me unload!

I am so sorry you haven't found that connection. Keep looking and keep positive. Are you a good listener? it can be hard not to download too much to new people if you are feeling a bit lonely, and this can be overwhelming. Alternatively, and I know very little about this, is there a chance you could be depressed?

I have felt that feeling in the past, and totally understand. I have lots of friends like you but always veer more towards spending time with the ones that I can connect with on the level you describe. I once lived somewhere where all the women friends I met were lovely but I just couldn't connect with them on the level I wanted to. Some people just don't relate in that way and don't go any deeper - or want to - but it may well be that some of the women you have met do but just haven't had the opportunity to open up with you yet. Are there even one or two that you think you could call up and say that you are in need of a bit of female bonding and do they fancy a night out for a bit of a chat? I would be delighted if any of my "newer" friends did that to me.

Finally, re the comment about you being depressed possibly, that is valid too - it could be that it goes deeper and you are "spiritually homesick" rather than physically??

Don't forget we are here for you too.

Thanks for the kind words mumsnetters - don't think I am depressed but definately probably mourning the lack of female friendship, you know the kind where you can let off steam safe in the knowledge that your friends know and understand you, and that most of the time all we really need to do is talk to feel better! Mumsnet is really great in that regard, as are all the members!