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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Date tonight. Don't think I want to go.

7 replies

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 05/10/2015 11:05

I'm supposed to be going on a second date tonight with a guy I met online.
On paper he's a nice enough guy, I enjoyed our first date, in as much as we had a nice chat and he wasn't horrible or anything!
I just feel now, with a second date imminent that I would just be potentially leading him on. I can't see it developing into anything romantic and the more I think about it the more I don't really want to go. Is it okay to just say, look sorry I don't want to meet you tonight? Or should I just go anyway?

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 05/10/2015 11:32

Just be straight say you can't see it developing into anything romantic, like you've said and apologise for letting him down. Don't do anything you don't want to do.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/10/2015 11:43

Why won't it develop?
What are your reasons for that?

bjrce · 05/10/2015 11:54

I've been in this situation once, long time ago, a really nice guy brought me on a first date, honestly, there was absolutely nothing wrong with him, any girl would love him as a boyfriend.
Thing is, I wasn't remotely attracted/interested in him, So, after the first date, he contacted me again and set up a second date. Oh God, even thinking about it now, I felt in such a dilemma whether to go or not. I know most girls would say, just text and be honest, its not going to work, but the thing for me was:

  1. He called to our work regularly and we all got on really well with him.
  2. I wouldn't have been as confident or assertive as I am now, so I really felt bad for him.Thought I should have the manners to say it to his face.

So, I did go, Jesus, it was excruciating!, firstly, I had it all set out in my head how I was going to tell him, this wasn't going to work. ( my friends all thought this was hilarious that I got so worked up about it.) I remember sitting in the bar and he was about 30 mins late and I thought Oh thank God, he's not going to show, I felt so relieved, this would make it easier, as I was just about to leave, I saw him walking into the bar, when he saw me, he put his finger in his mouth and started the " are you cross with me, I am sooo sorry!, I couldn't get parking".
The night was torture, I couldn't get a word in, he started the WE are going to go to his parents holiday home for a romantic break, he started describing the holiday home in detail, as if to impress me. Then, he starts, I am going to help him give up cirgarettes, I am going to help him, lose weight, he had a whole plan mapped out for me, you couldn't make it up. I just stopped him and said" look I am really sorry, but, I am really busy with work at the moment and I don't have time for a relationship", it was awful the lies just flowed out of me, I remember the look on his face.
So, he took me home and barely a word was exchanged. I can still remember the relief I felt when I got home.
I think it was a month or so later, he came into our workplace and started going on to me about this wonderful girl he met and he was crazy about her, I told him I was sooooo happy for him, and I was.

Morale of the story, if you don't want to go on a second date with this guy, don't. Above all else, be true to yourself and don't do anything you don't want to, put yourself first, he'll get over it.

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 05/10/2015 12:13

Thanks for the replies.
The reason I don't see it developing is as a PP said, I just don't find him attractive in that way. He seems like a genuinely nice guy but I just didn't feel any attraction, spark, whatever you want to call it.
I feel bad for agreeing to a second date in the first place. At the time I thought it would be nice to see him again, but the more I think about it, the more I feel I would be wasting my time and his time.
Just need to think about how to word my explanation/excuse now, I guess.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 05/10/2015 12:17

I think there are few enough nice guys around - why not give him a chance and see whether the attraction grows?

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 05/10/2015 12:38

Well, it's all turned out okay!
I text him and he text me back to say he was actually having second thoughts himself!!
So we have agreed to stay in touch as friends.
I know what you mean about there not being many nice guys around Imperial. That's why I was so in two minds about it!

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 05/10/2015 12:48

I think if you've both got friendly feelings out of it then it's a win-win :)

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