Drink driving

[Houseofmirth66]

My best friend's partner is a very heavy drinker who I suspect is often over the limit when he drives their two small children to school. I have had a number of difficult conversations with my friend about this but she always dismisses it as me being ridiculous or exaggerating because I don't like him. If I called the police and he lost his licence then it would be disastrous for the family as my friend doesn't drive and they live in a fairly remote area. But obviously if there was an accident it would be a hundred times worse. Any advice on what to do would be very welcome.

You know what to do, you are just asking if its ok to do it, aren't you?

Yes it is ok to do it.

Imagine how you would feel if he caused the death of those children, or someone else and you hadnt done it.

He won't lose his licence unless they catch him.

Him killing himself and or his children.

Him killing someone else.

Him losing his licence, in comparison to the above two, isn't disastrous.

Denial is not an excuse and your friend isnt prioritising her children or anyone else's children, by pretending. Yes, talk to the police.

Make the call anonymously. My bus was hit by a " just on the limit " driver years ago. I have a spinal injury that won't ever fully heal. If I had been in service someone would have been killed. Please make the call. The alternative is worse. If he passes no harm done. If he doesn't then he's lost his licence, not you.

Are you saying that he drinks heavily at night and you think he's still over the limit in the morning? Can I ask how you know how much he drinks and whether this is part of the reason you don't like him.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't report. Drunk driving is bad for everyone and there's kids in the car. BUT, I'm struggling to accept that your friend would willingly put her to kids into a car with a drunk behind the wheel, twice a day, five times a week.

Is there anything else going on here?

I'm obviously not certain he's over the limit but he drinks heavily until late in the night and, when we've stayed over as a family, I can smell booze on him in the morning. TBH it is the main reason I don't like him. It's horribly irresponsible and I can't understand why he would do it. I would rather persuade him not to do it than call the police but find him very difficult and self centred. I do need to do something and am considering an anonymous call. Feels like the coward's choice but don't want to just ignore it.

Many years ago, I saw a documentary which included the results of research on how even modest amounts of alcohol - amounts which would probably allow you to still drive under current legislation - could impact on driving ability, in particular road sense and awareness. That programme has remained in my thoughts all of these years.

I'm thinking in the same vein (I suspect) as Cloak though. If you find this man to be 'very difficult and self-centred' when you're staying as a guest and you know that he's consuming large amounts of alcohol at night on a regular basis, what are things like for his partner and the children in that house eg when you're not there? Has his partner ever raised the issue with you?

(Because it sounds as if he's potentially a difficult alcoholic and these things can creep up on you almost unawares - or she might have been conditioned to it/be turning a blind eye to it/not know what to do about it and so on and so on.)

A drunk driver killed my dc's biological parents, my ds was in the car at the time. Years down the line he still has PTSD, he also had years of trauma induced amnesia.

Him losing is licence might be bad for his family, losing your child/parents/sibling is worse. Taking action is the responsible thing to do.

I have reported someone I know who I would consider a friend. They have rejected my attempts to help with their obvious alcohol problem, and continue to drive, so I reached the conclusion the only thing I could do was have a clear conscience and stop them killing my kids.

The police logged their details and said any cop car would be alerted if they drove past them so they could monitor the driving. Nothing has happened as yet, but every so often I ring 101 to re-iterate that they still drive and make sure they don't drop out of the system.

You can do it anonymously. Is there any way you can say that you know that 'someone' has rung the police but not imply it is you? That way you are giving them a final warning but not outing yourself.

Thank you everyone. I am going to call the police. Feel a bit grotty about it but your advice is undeniably sensible.

He will only lose his licence if he's over the limit. If he's over the limit he deserves to lose his licence. Ring them.