respect in relationship

[Pigzoom]

Hi we've had a busy week with my 6 months old and 3 year old. I'm struggling really and I'm finding the constant caring really hard.
My DP and I talk to each other like shit!
Today I needed to replace a plaster at bath time on my 3 yo DC foot, she was screaming. It wasn't anything serious she had a blister and gets upset when it is exposed. She's refused baths all week due to it and has long toe nails as I can't cut them. DP said I shouldn't do the toe nails tonight and I said but it's like this every night.
I asked him to get a plaster and he couldn't find the box all over the house and then he did it was near me. I said do you know which plaster to get, as he was just standing there. DC screaming.
He said no, I got annoyed and said pass it then. He said no you come and get it. I had 3 yo on my lap and baby sat next to me, both upset. I stretched over and got it. He then kept repeating the word idiot idiot idiot. I kept quiet.
This is just an example.
Is there anyway we can come back from this level of disrespect.
I've also been in and out of hospital with the baby this week. I'm shattered and pretty emotional.
I feel like he hangs around at bath time waiting for me to say just go downstairs. If I spoke to him abut this he wouldn't listen or budge as he's so stubborn.
Thanks for advice. What shall I do

Do her toenails when she's asleep?

Sounds you are both knackered and need some serious sleep and some time to yourselves?

I'd talk to him when you've both had some sleep. He shouldn't be calling you an idiot at all, that would put anyone's back up.

Has this been going on a while?

I agree, you both talk to each other like shit. You asked if he knew what plaster to get annoyed and he reacts like a child.

I think you need to have the whole, 'we're treating each other like enemies' conversation. Where you say your as bad as each other and need to break the cycle and remember to treat each other like you love each other and you miss how that used to be the case.

If you can get a sensible response from him then you've got more trouble.

Yes it's been going on a while. He sleeps downstairs but mainly as he's such a fidget sleeper!! And a snorer.
Yes I think it's equal. We are both so defensive too, all day long.
I'd like to go to counselling. And we have talked about that maybe starting when I go back to work.
I'd like to see a counsellor who discuses our parents relationship too, if that makes sense, as his dad talks to his mum like shit. And is overbearing and belittling.
I'm so aware of it and don't want it to be part of our relationship