How did you tell people about divorce/separation?

[Winniethewylde]

I'm finding it really really hard to get the words out and tell people the truth. I've lived with it for so long and kept it to myself and I just don't know how to say it.

The friends I am most concerned with telling are close but not that close. Friends I see with the children so our meet ups usually are a bit chaotic and as soon as I feel I can start to say something a child runs over, someone has fallen over etc etc. I don't want to make some big announcement but it feels awkward now.

I don't want to organise a night out/night in that everyone is looking forward to and then I announce this and put a downer on it. Am I completely over thinking this? I know once it's out there it'll be ok, but it's getting it out there. Help me, my confidence is in tatters

Could you email?

I found it really easy to tell people tbh. I didn't really have many people to tell but when they asked, "how's X?" I just said, "no idea. He was having an affair so I kicked him out".
And proceeeded to have a good evening.

It won't ruin an evening unless you let it.

I think you're probably overthinking ita llittle.

When did you separate?

I texted or emailed my friends about my separation. I couldn't get the words out without crying so this was a lot easier. And the replies were so kind and supportive that I cried anyway!

I don't remember making an announcement, I just raised it as and when. 'How's things?' , 'good, single now but it's a relief right now in other news ....' people generally were then aprised, but gave me a chance to steer the conversation from sympathy etc.

Facebook

I told immediate family and very close friends face to face and then texted other friends. I found it very difficult to say the words so a decided that a text and the local grapevine would be sufficient.

I live a long way from my friends and family so I think I just brought it up in a phone conversation or an email.

I do remember trying to be very sensible and speaking to our best friends saying that they were friends with both of us and I didn't want them to be in a position to have to take sides. Then I had a dream where they'd had XH and the OW round for dinner and I was more hurt about that betrayal than XH and his affair. So I phoned her and told her, but they'd already decided they didn't want anything to do with XH, but they didn't have to worry, he dumped everybody who'd known him during our 20 year marriage and went on to make new friends with the OW.

I will say that, although I dreaded telling people, for some reason I felt ashamed, friends and family were all brilliant and supportive. I wish I'd told them sooner, I'd waited for about three weeks before I told a soul.

Close family knew straight away but I found it difficult to tell friends in the early days as I was worried I would burst into tears. It took me three weeks to call my best friend but I told my employer within days as my situation affected my work.

I told my sisters at the airport when were about to go on a girlie weekend.
They were so relieved because my opening statement had them thinking I had some kind of awful illness.
Went round and told my mum and dad just before our girlie weekend and they advised me to tell them all at once and get it out there.
I didn't really bother telling people who weren't really close family and friends. It just kind of got out there and I didn't need to.

Thank you for all your advice. I think I would find it easier if one of us had had an affair so there would be a definite reason but as that hasn't been the case it's harder. My parents know and the close friends I have told have been a little like 'oh really?' 'But you seemed so happy' 'can't you make it work?' etc etc which I find difficult to deal with.