Is the workplace a dangerous place to look for a relationship?

[eternallflame]

I would just like your input if you don't mind. I am male btw. Once I feel up to it I'd like to see if I can meet someone. Issue is where I work the other men are fairly sexist lots of macho banter etc. Not that I am perfect, far from it, but I'm not likely to want to make someone uncomfortable. So I don't think friendly advances would be welcome. But I don't know where to start. I just moved into a new house in a new place and everyone around is loved up, families etc. I feel a bit out of place. Advice welcome.

I agree with PP that it does depend on the working environment and has the potential for trouble if you were to end up in close quarters following a nasty break up.

That said, I met my fiance at work and we now have a house, two children and are very happy so it can go either way. We worked in a large open plan office but in different 'departments' our roles did overlap and we made an effort to keep any interaction at work purely professional.

I eventually moved to a different company but I'm sure we would have been absolutely fine continuing to work together. I do think it's important to not let your whole relationship become about work though - when you share the same colleagues/experiences and work hours it can be a bit all consuming in conversation!

Unless there's a colleague in particular that you have your eye on, I wouldn't take the approach of utilising the pool of people you work with as potential romantic interests. If your advances are rejected it could be a HR/harassment issue.

I speak from experience when I say it's pretty horrible being a recipient of unwanted advances at work, and having to tread the line between being firm about the fact you are not interested, while not affecting the working relationship.

I think it depends how close you work with them.

I met DP at work but we didn't get together until after he left. I wouldn't have gotten together with him while we still worked together - I've seen too many workplace relationships cause problems when they go wrong, and imo it's not worth it.

That being said, my parents worked together (met at work too) but in different departments. They didn't have to see each other unless they searched each other out so maybe that makes a difference. Who knows.

Based on the above it sounds like an absolute nightmare of potential legal action. I would have thought myself capable of speaking to someone without getting the lawyers twitchy but hmm maybe not. I'm just amazed how anyone manages to meet anyone at all nowadays, especially in Greater London.

How many people work there? That's really the crucial part. If it's like 25 people then no, because if/when you split up, it's going to be really awkward. If it's over 500 then it shouldn't be so much of an issue. However, I would never date anyone who was in the same department as me. If you split up or argue then it's awkward for everyone, but if you're loved up then you get people bitching about "love's young dream over there" and assuming that you're shagging in the toilets at lunchtimes.

A large company I worked for some years ago (over 1000 people just on this one site) had a rule that if you started dating anyone at work, you had to let HR know, and they would assess whether one of you needed to be moved to another team.

There are ca. 100. I am desperate to move jobs anyway not because I have no chance romantically but because I don't like the culture or many of my colleagues. The men at my work who appraise and denigrate female colleagues and clients (the women could be doing vice versa but I haven't heard anything) are of course a large part of the problem. It is their misconduct which has largely removed human warmth from the modern workplace.

Who knows where cupids arrow may strike.