This is going to be a long story but I need people to talk to.
Some background. I have been with my DP for 2 years. He is 10 years younger than me (he is middle 20s). We have had a very loving relationship but we have had a lot of external problems along the way. My DM died of cancer only 3 months into our relationship. I had a lot to sort out with my DF and the house and so on.
We live in a valley in a foreign country. I own a flat in one village. He lives in bedsit in his parent's house in the next village. Due to this, he has been pretty much living full time in my flat with me.
Due to village rivalries there was hell on when we got together. I was bullied out of a music group I was in due to this - people blanking me, spreading malicious gossip and so on. I was devastated. I had just lost my mother and then they did that. Other village people spread lies around about me being an alcoholic and promiscuous (I am neither).
Meanwhile his family went ballistic with him. His parents were hideous to me at first but came round after a while. His brother has said 3 words to me in 2 years - completely blanks me. His sister is horrendous - I can't even begin to write down the things she has done and said.
He has been very supportive and we have helped each other through this. He has lots of problems with his work and also in his village. The main problem is he does too many activities outside of work and is permanently exhausted - he is a member of 5 different groups which meet regularly and is on the committee of 4 groups. On top of this there are all kinds of things he does on an irregular basis. It means he is out every night of the week and most weekends.
He regularly ends up crying in the evenings with the stress. I try to help him but the only thing that is going to help is if he gives up some of the activities.
About 6 months ago, he said he wanted us to take things a bit slower and he wanted more time in his village because he was feeling overwhelmed. We discussed this and agreed to it. He also wanted me to consider moving in to a flat in his parents' house (they have a massive house!) which his brother used to live in.
We spent more time in his village but his sister began to make life hell for us (she doesn't even live there) and his parents said I would have to get rid of my cats. (No way!) So after a while DP had had enough and said, let's forget this idea and then he ended up staying permanently at mine again. He had a lot of freedom but also made time for me - we agreed to keeping Thursdays free to have time together. I also began to recover from my mother's death and because my village had excluded me I started two new activities in nearby towns which I love.
Now just before our holiday we argued twice. Once was because he has begun coming along to one of my new activities (it is a musical group) as a substitute but he has been unreliable and leaving me to explain which is very embarrassing and I love the group and do not want them to think badly of us. The other time was because he has taken on yet another activity - organizing a youth group. This will meet on Thursdays which is when we were supposed to have time together. Another man is co-organizer and although DP said that day was no good and he could do days X, Y and Z, he said no can do. DP then agreed to a compromise with me that he would not go every week so we could have time together if the other man could not compromise on the day.
Result of this is other man has gone AWOL, DP has had to do it every week since our holiday.
We had 3 weeks amazing holiday - he was so loving and so relaxed. Talked about our future together.
2 weeks after arriving back, this Monday he announces he would rather give me up than any of his other activities so he wants a break until January and he wants to live in his own village in his bedsit. Says it's over.
He did this by phone. I said I would like to talk about this and have some questions and discuss what happened.
Monday afternoon he writes sms saying he loves me, he misses me. Monday evening he was at his parents'. Monday 11pm he phones and says it's over.
He has been coming and going all week but not long enough to discuss anything. Tuesday night he cried all night and said his heart was broken.
He went off on Friday morning to his parents' and has had a weekend of various activities in his village. He said he would come back this afternoon to talk to me. No sign and no sms.
It's hopeless isn't is? Any words of wisdom or support?
This is just a bizarre situation this week.