IL's New Year party dilemma! A bit long sorry

[santasaltire]

Ok so i know Christmas isn't by yet, but i am in a quandry with this one.
PIL and step MIL have been having a New Year party on Jan 1st for as long as i have known DH. The first couple of years it was ok, but after we got the children and were living in various parts of the UK it became less frequent that we attended. I hate it, all step MIL's friends, PIL getting pissed and slagging off MIL, Step PIL, BIL and SIl, all i hear is how great DH's youngest sister is, the DS aren't allowed to eat any food until the guests arrive, which is sometimes as late as 7pm, thye aren't aloowed to run around. Two years ago there was a big row between DH and i because i had taken the DS into SIL's bedroom and were watching a DVD and he went off on one that his step MIL would think it was rude. I will point out that "the men" i.e PIL and DH go to the pub about 11am and arrive back, half cut at 5pm, step MIL goes to get them and stays for an hour chatting. It just winds me up so much. Thye never come to see us, using the excuse that PIL works on a Sunday 9which he does) but he miraculously manages to get time off to go and visit step MIL's neice on a monthly basis.
The same thing happens, PIL starts being a snob in fornt of people, slags off all step MIL's friends husbands, and i feel that we are there as trophy's to show everyone what a good dad and grandad he is. It has already caused a big row between DH and I and he's not even here! DH has told them we will go this year, without asking me. I don't want to go, i don't like going to their house, the kids have nothing to play with, if we take toys for them to play with they are constantly being told do this do that. PIL is just an ar$e. What can i do?

Don't go. Have a class 1 tantrum if necessary, but don't go. If you have to go, get pissed at 12 noon, vomit on the dog, and let the kids break something valuable. Then you will never be invited again.

There really should be somehting in the marriage contract about in laws.

I know i ranted in that first post, but i hate hate hate going. it's all the silly wee things that annoy me. Like DH seems to have this need to keep his dad happy - at my expense. Once when Dh was in Bosnia i went to visit them. PIL said something about me being his fave DIL. At this point SIL - who was 16 at the time, piped up
"but yesterday you sadi she was a witch, that she looked like a witch and had a nose like a witch and hair like a witch". PIL tried to bluster his way out of it, but i knew SIL was telling the truth. he is also proud of DH - because he plays rugby. WTF is that baout, not proud of him because he has had a military career for 20 years and been in Ireland, Kosovo and the gulf, or because he has two gorgeous children, no because he plays rugby.

Just had another row over the phone with DH about this.

I agree with TC58 - don't go. Your dh shouldn't have agreed to go without you either, so tell him that he can go if he wants but you and the children will stay at home.

I agree. Don't go and don't let the children go. It sounds like a totally unsuitable event for children. You could say, if you want to be tactful, that you are inviting some friends of your own to your house this year for NYE. You could even let it be true, but even if you just want to have a quiet evening on your own, be firm. Dh may not be inclined to respect your feelings but you can respect your own. Remember no one can make you do what you don't want to do.

I agree. Don't go and don't let the children go. It sounds like a totally unsuitable event for children. You could say, if you want to be tactful, that you are inviting some friends of your own to your house this year for NYE. You could even let it be true, but even if you just want to have a quiet evening on your own, be firm. Dh may not be inclined to respect your feelings but you can respect your own. Remember no one can make you do what you don't want to do.

I don't go to dp's family events, I have a class one hissy fit last year as there is only 2 family members I like. I don't go, the kids don't go, and although dp doesn't like it, and moans that I stop his mum seeing the kids, I have made it perfectly clear that MIL is welcome as long as she likes, as I adore her. So is his Aunty Sue.

Nobody else is welcome if I am in the house and I'm not going near them with a bargepole. He is welcome to visit them for as long as he likes, but I am 26 and I get to say who I spend my time with, not him.