Telling ex there's no hope

[spideymum]

Big back story with my ex walking out on me and our son 6 months ago. Had a horrendous few months and was treated very badly during the relationship and after he left.

We were friendly again and went along to a mediation weekend to see if we could sort things out. On this weekend I found him texting another woman and then had him repeatedly lie to me about it and other things. As well as this he has been buying viagra online and searching for cheap hotels in the area. He came the day our son started school and was searching for porn using my wireless network as he logged into my computer all of these things come up in my browser history.

I don't want him near me he repeatedly lies to me. For someone who is seeking to reconcile his actions and attempts are just pathetic. I don't even feel angry at him any longer for the crap he did to me he doesn't seem truly remorseful so I'm just chalking it up to experience and trying to move on with my life.

I said this to him last week and he ignored me and continues to send his pitiful good morning and sweet dreams messages (that's his idea of trying hard). To avoid an argument I just let the issue go and got on with the week.

I want to set the boundaries back up I don't want him coming to my house I don't want any messages not about our child I just want him to go about his life without me completely. To complicate matters this weekend my son said he didn't want to go and stay with his Dad and sister and was crying when I tried to convince him and even put the phone down when they called him and tried to convince him. I decided rather than forcing him to let him stay at home. I'm now worried if I try and put the boundaries in this week he will go off on me and accuse me of keeping his child from him. He's not responsible when he takes our son on a weekday he brings him back half an hour before bedtime without eating or having done his homework.

I in no way want to stop him from seeing our son but I just want him out of MY life no messages no turning up at my house. But as soon as I say that he either ignores me or says I'm stopping access because I can't have what I want. I'm just tired feel much stronger than I have in years and just want to move on with my son. But not stop my son from seeing his Dad.

I have gone back to work after the summer holidays and need to stop this situation as it is draining.

Sorry for such a mammoth post

Wait, who does ex say is stopping access to son, you or him? That bit wasn't quite clear. Either way, you have a perfect right to insist that access does not take place in your home.

... oh, and how old is DS? Old enough to make his own decision about seeing his dad?

He is 4. I normally would send him but this weekend he was shattered from school and really emotional about not going nothing I said would convince him to go. He was with him last weekend and ex saw him once during the week. He says I am stopping him seeing him but I'm not tbh I wanted the weekend to myself as haven't been well but wasn't going to force him. I think he is just tired and wanted some time at home.

At what age would you say a child can make the decision to not go. He loves his Dad immensely I don't think not going will be a regular thing he says.

Have you agreed a proper schedule? Every other weekend is more usual than every weekend.

It is usually every other weekend but he wanted to take him to a friends child baptism last weekend and have him this weekend as he had his other daughter.

I think the child's wishes start to be taken into consideration from age 10, all things being equal. A long while before your little DS gets any kind of choice then. That said, if this is an "extra" weekend his dad is being a bit hasty to say you're denying access.