Stubbornness and incompatibility

[JoeBloggs55]

Hi all, not a mum but didn't know where else to turn and this relationship area seemed pretty active!

Long time reader of forums first time user! Me and my partner have the perfect relationship... almost! I don't want to bore you with cliches about how much we are in love or how much we have in common its just safe to say I've never felt this way about anyone in my whole life!! The only problem is we seem completely incompatible when we have disagreements, for whatever reason we've both got to this point in our lives with completely different approaches to how to deal with confrontation in our relationship, for me the best way to deal with disagreements is to sit and talk about it and air all our problems, for her its to leave and get a little space, get over it, and forget about it, the problem is I have a real issue with being able to give her the space she needs and cant easily forget about something until its resolved and she has a real issue with talking about how she feels.
When we aren't arguing we both see the importance of trying to meet in the middle the next time we argue. The compromise we reached was that if I let her have her space when we start arguing, when she's calmed down we can talk about everything but the problem is I seem physically incapable of giving her any space to the point where I've actually stood in front of her to prevent her leaving before (I know this is terrible and I feel very ashamed of myself so please go easy) so every argument about small things becomes a million times worse.

I guess I'm just after a little help on how to be able to give her space without thinking its the worse thing that's ever happened and that she's going to leave and not come back. I know a lot of it comes from insecurity and being incredibly scared of losing the best thing that's ever happened to me but I think by not giving her the space she needs I'm just pushing her further away so I really need some words of wisdom on how to give her what she needs!

Thanks!

Hi OP, I think you need to distinguish between what is giving her 'space' and what is you accepting the silent treatment or cold shoulder.
This is really important.
It's been a long standing problem in my own marriage where h can go silent on me for hours - days without me knowing what is wrong or ever sorting anything out.
After that time has passed, it's as if nothing has happened.
It's extremely unhealthy and has led us to separation.
I think you have the right approach in that you need to talk it out.
What do you think?

What the two of you have worked out sounds like a good compromise you just need to give it a chance to work. Not allowing her to leave could be very intimidating and isn't doing you any favours. The only way you will learn to trust that this works is by doing it!
What if you are the one that walks away rather than the other way round?

Perhaps it depends on how you argue... I was with someone once, who would bombard me with all his thoughts and reasons during a 'discussion' which meant by the end of it, my head would be spinning!

I had to walk away, as it was too much and in hindsight, I now realise, that he just wanted to get his point of view across as being the 'right' one.

Not saying that this is you, but maybe think about how you argue your point.

Also, some people are not good at any type of confrontation, so maybe ask your partner how she feels about this.