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Original poster

no orgasm in a year

12 replies

unfulfilled · 01/12/2006 19:51

Since having my son, there's been nothing in that dept. Previously, i would always climax during sex with DP, but haven't since i was a few months pregnant. I'm quite dry down there too (i know b/feeding can cause this). Will it always be like this? Am starting to think i'll never come again, which is depressing. I've also pretended to DP that i have had an orgasm when i haven't, which i've never done before. Has anyone else felt like this?

OP posts:
morningpaper · 01/12/2006 20:04

What are your pelvic floor muscles like?

Any luck with masturbation?

I can't recommend one-in-a-bed sex highly enough.

purplemonkeydasheranddancer · 01/12/2006 20:10

i was like this for ages. i'm only NOW starting to get 'feelings' down there again. (ds is 14 months, still bf). and my er, (TMI) natural lubrication has recently returned as well.
it'll get better.

FrannyandZooey · 01/12/2006 20:26

I found everything about sex completely different after giving birth - emotionally, mentally, physically

For me it hasn't returned to how it used to be, and I am now not expecting it to ever do so. I think you have to adjust and not expect the same things to do the trick for you as they used to - and get dp to understand that too.

tc58 · 01/12/2006 20:57

Avoid faking it, slippery slope for one and all (or not...sorry, not funny). If he thinks it's working for you he will keep on doing it, then you wwill have to find a kind moment to tell him his prowess was all a fake. Can you cope with 40 years of that?

If you used to orgasm during penetrative sex, lucky you. It may be that you need to practice more foreplay for now. Mental/emotional foreplay is important - apparently on average it takes us girlies 13 mins to orgasm from a cold start but takes blokes only 3 mins. (Wow, that long? i hear you say).

I can recommend Casino Royale for some mental foreplay.

Original poster
unfulfilled · 03/12/2006 22:45

Well, i have written a long letter to DP, explaining my issues with our sex life (most of which he knows about but meets with accidental apathy) I am petrified for tomorrow when he reads them, but i feel better for writing them. There is more to it that simple faking it and dryness. I hope this doesn't backfire, or turn into me apologising for my feelings. Wish me luck

OP posts:
hotpot · 04/12/2006 19:35

unfulfilled any news?

A huge congratulations for actually having the guts to admit to all those things to DP. Faking can be a slippery slope of no return.

As to dryness, there are products on the market to provide the moistness that you need, part of your inability may be because you are tensing up knowing that the dryness effects sex.

Can you orgasm from masturbating or not? Is it just not being able to do it from sex?

Original poster
unfulfilled · 04/12/2006 20:41

I bottled out in the end. I couldn't sleep thinking about it so i came downstairs and got rid of it. I will be honest in future though- no more faking it. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, and it turned out to be the best thing to do- he had a terrible day in work today.

I've felt so sexless since DS that i haven't even masturbated...i think i got out of practise from when i was pregnant and couldn't reach anyway! I had a bit of a touch with some lubricant on the weekend- there was some nice sensation, so it hasn't died totally. I was too tired to make more of an effort than that though! I will try more though...I miss coming!

And i'm cutting right back on b/feeding, which may help too i hope.

OP posts:
madrose · 04/12/2006 20:51

ok a bit embarassing , but we had a very similar problem. So online to Anne summers - I brought some 'cock rings'

I get quite embarassed about sex - and we do find it difficult to talk about - daft I know.

But one night I brought it out, he slipped it on, we turned it on, and for the first time, I had an orgasm during sexual intercourse.

H was quite impressed and was keen to try one again. They are expensive - £15 for three, but it was worth it.

agree re casino royale

good luck

carolcoles · 04/12/2006 20:51

If you are looking for that extra bit of help in the stimulation department Ann Summers sell a little thing called the pocket pleaser, it doesn't look much (and is not a big scary dildo!!!!) but it certainly adds something as part of foreplay and sex and I love mine.
Might be worth a try.

kinki · 04/12/2006 20:52

I couldn't reach an orgasm while I was bf-ing either. I've no idea why. Everything went back to normal within a few weeks of stopping bf-ing though. When not too knackered, the desire was there, and I was able to go through all the motions but I could never reach the final bit of the climax. Started to get a bit down about it, but as i said, things righted themselves in the end. Hang on in there!

carolcoles · 04/12/2006 21:02

Also helped when my periods came back

I'm sure it will all come back eventually.

NotQuiteCockney · 04/12/2006 22:37

Oh, please use lube! It will make life easier for you. There are plenty of products on the market, but good old fashioned KY is fine.

Lots of women don't have orgasms during intercourse, without a helping hand.

And yeah, as others have said, pelvic floors are your friend.

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