I just don't no what to do anymore!!

[louloumommyof2]

Ok I feel like I really don't know anymore what I am doing, I have been with my partner on an off for 3 years now, not exactly what you like to call stable.

In the past when things have become too difficult he gets up an leaves, the cowards way. I am really angry right now because I feel I have given everything and yet it still isn't good enough.

However I have only had this relationship since I left my dh and I am aware this sounds stupid but I am scared. I so desperately want things to work out but I have give and give and give and yet he still wants things his way.

I realise I cant change him, and maybe deep down I know the right thing to do is leave him, I just lack the backbone to do so.

I think I need a kick up the backside, so thought I would come on to vent....

A relationship is probably best described as when you don't get up and leave when things become too difficult. So you don't actually have a relationship with this person, you're basically fair weather fuck buddies only with a huge amount of disrespect on his side.

If you want to set your expectations at that level, fine - you need to adjust down. If you don't (and it doesn't sound like you do) you need to find someone else. Otherwise what's the point?

If you think he doesn't realise how desperate you are, you're quite wrong, by the way. He obviously treats you like crap because he knows he can. At minimum I'd go and find a fuck buddy who was kind.

I feel sometimes that I am just that, we have lived together for over a year at one point and then it went wrong and he left , then said he wanted to try and left again and so on. I blame myself for allowing it, each time thinking he had changed. We have been back together now for 7 months but it feels like it did before and he wants things on his own terms. Like you say that is not a relationship.
Things are deeper than just the odd argument and him leaving and it is hard to explain on here but I just want to be treated like my opinion counts. Some days I feel as though I am just waiting for it to end again.

You have the power to end it today. Why keep blaming yourself for taking him back? Stop doing it.

When you say he wants things on his own terms, do you mean that you get a really bad deal and he gets a really good one? Or do you both just want two different things, and are both trying unsuccessfully to get your own way?

He has deep problems if that is how he reacts when things go wrong.

This is probably deep seated and what was his childhood like? Sounds a bit like something he has 'learned' from maybe his DF? That you disappear as and when you like. If this is the case he will probably never change.

You need to have a plan so that you KNOW what life will be when you leave - eg finances, savings, where you will live, job???? Get all planned then it's easier to go.

He wants majority of things his way ravenmum , like what is acceptable for him is not for me. I get so frustrated sometimes, I feel though that one minute he will be ok and then one thing and our whole relationship to him looks like it is bad. He never sees the good.

And scoobydoo8 I have thought myself he has deeper problems but when I have tried talking even when he seems more open he doesn't want to admit to anything. To him he hasn't done anything wrong, which then is even more annoying. I wouldn't say he is a bad person from top to bottom else I wouldn't be with him, but how can anything change when people wont even admit they have a problem :(

You're wasting your time with someone like this. He's a very damaged person, the sort who can't cope with life, with problems, with opinions that differ from his own. He's also an immature twat (going on what you've said here), who probably secretly enjoys all the drama he creates by disappearing then coming back.

Emotional highs and emotional lows are addictive to people like this.

If you continue in this relationship you'll lose yourself. If you set yourself up to 'fix', him, you'll regret it long term. Why waste yourself on someone who can't give you anything except heartache? Is this a future that you really want?

Why are you scared? Of being on your own? Not coping financially? Emotionally? What is stopping you telling him to go away and not come back? Something is making you hang in there. What is it?

I'm coming to give you that kick up the backside...

He is only treating you like this because you are letting him and it isn't going to change. You are desperate and it will be obvious.

Get a bit of self respect and end it!

You really aren't suited and should split to look for better matches. He sounds as if he just saps your energy and self-esteem.
Someone tougher or more selfish could possibly make a better go of things with him.

Start planning a future without him and work towards that, the sooner the better you don't want to split at Xmas time, so start the plans now.

Yes, start planning something nice you can do at Christmas on your own - visiting family, maybe a trip somewhere (there are such things as singles' holidays...), and look at places to live (if you'll need to move). Arrange some activities with friends or groups. Read up on hobbies you've always fancied. Buy some books you want to read. Join a gym and plan to spend your evenings there. Do all this until you are actually really looking forward to splitting up!