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Original poster

'Anniversary' debate

62 replies

FrazzleRock · 02/10/2015 21:17

We've been having a bit of a debate at work stemming from a small argument a colleague had with his girlfriend.

If you're not married, what do you consider your anniversary date to be?

I assumed it would be the date you met. Colleague said "but it was just a random date" (they met on dating website) and he was dating quite a few at that time. He said he would take it from the point they decided to be boyfriend/girlfriend. He says January/February time, his girlfriend is saying November.

I can't see how you can put a date on that though, you don't suddenly say to eachother "todays the day we shall be boyfriend/girlfriend" do you?

My boyfriend and I consider it to be the day we met. (also met on a dating website), but it appears I'm the only one in my team at work who believes that, which surprised me. But then we weren't dating others at that point... Perhaps it totally depends on the circumstances at the beginning of the relationship and it doesn't really matter that much, but it got me thinking as I was so outnumbered!

What do you think?

OP posts:
BramblePie · 03/10/2015 14:54

Me and my partner met on a random thursday at the end of october. We had our first date first week in nov and its the november date we have our anniversary on.

ravenmum · 03/10/2015 15:02

Calleighdoodle, surely most people can say how long they were together before they got married? Or can say they've been with their partner for six months, or six weeks? To do that, you must be measuring from a particular date.

For me it's the first date, even if you met the other person some time before.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 03/10/2015 17:33

It's different for everyone , there's no right or wrong.

Some people insist you can only have an anniversary if you're married (despite the fact that 'anniversaries' can also be for events, battles Etc) but dp and I celebrate the day we met (3 years ago after finding each other online) as it was a brilliant night.

If/when we ever get married we'll either marry on that date or decide which one feels more like the start of something special. Due to our circumstances this won't be for several more years, so our current anniversary will be pretty well ingrained in our minds as a significant date, so it will be odd to just ignore it.

AsTimeGoesBy · 03/10/2015 17:45

Raven, I disagree, DH and I had no recollection of when exactly our first date was by the time a year came round, just knew it was in May sometime. It simply didn't matter to us. If at some point in that year we had been asked we would just have said "a few months".

TJEckleburg · 03/10/2015 17:49

I find this an easy question to answer as the night I met my now husband I also slept with him and stayed at his place. We tend to celebrate both that data and our wedding anniversary (usually just by having dinner out rather than with cards and presents)

StarkyTheDirewolf · 03/10/2015 17:57

We had our first anniversary when we'd been together a year, from first date, we celebrated this. We got married soon after we'd been together two years and will now celebrate from this date instead. Although the first date date will probably be acknowledged. He's quite good at remembering things like this but apparently he can't remember where his keys/phone/wallet etc are on a day to day basis.

BertieBotts · 03/10/2015 18:09

First date. I met DH at school and neither of us can remember or care the date of our first day of secondary school. We probably didn't even know each other existed until later anyway.

The thing which bugs me is when people talk about a "six month anniversary" THAT'S NOT WHAT THE WORD MEANS. Or even worse is "one year anniversary" ARGH IT'S SO REDUNDANT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

PrimalLass · 03/10/2015 18:43

Well, for me, having an 'anniversary' when not married is ridiculous so just choose anything.

I've been with DP 20 years - should we just not bother celebrating?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 03/10/2015 19:14

It would have been weird if we used the date we first met as we were both with other people! It took 2 relationship breakdowns and 6 months before anything happened between us. We're married now but before then we used the date we first kissed as we practically moved in together from then! It was the first inkling we were more than just friends.
But really it's completely arbitrary anyway isn't it? So choose whatever date you like!

riverboat1 · 03/10/2015 19:57

Well, for me, having an 'anniversary' when not married is ridiculous so just choose anything.

Why? Why are anniversaries limited to people who have chosen to get a bit of paper?

Flossieflower01 · 03/10/2015 19:59

Having an "anniversary" if you're not married is ridiculous!

riverboat1 · 03/10/2015 20:03

Flossie - can you explain why you think that?

PurpleDaisies · 03/10/2015 20:05

Why flossie? Confused

We celebrate/remember the anniversaries of all sorts of things that aren't weddings. What's wrong with celebrating when you got together?

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 03/10/2015 20:08

The date we met was always important to us, then we got married 5 years later, on that day, so it's still important!

PrimalLass · 03/10/2015 20:11

Having an "anniversary" if you're not married is ridiculous!

So couples like us, who have been together far longer than a lot of marriages last these days, shouldn't bother celebrating that?

CactusAnnie · 03/10/2015 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonPied · 03/10/2015 20:14

Why is my relationship not as worthy as someone else marriage flossie ?

ravenmum · 03/10/2015 20:22

I can understand if some people just can't remember exactly what happened when - but if you do remember the date of a really significant moment in your life then it makes a pretty good excuse for a celebration or just wallowing in nostalgia. No spoilsport can take that away from meGrin. But then I did first date my ex on a significant local public holiday, and my current partner on St Patrick's day; easy to remember.

Is this "only marriage counts" thing a religious issue?

PurpleDaisies · 03/10/2015 20:24

It shouldn't be a religious issue-I'm a Christian and we celebrated our one anniversary of dating before we got married! All my church friends who are in relationships but not married celebrate anniversaries too. I don't understand why anyone would think celebrating would be stupid.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 03/10/2015 20:29

Flossie, do you also object to people celebrating birthdays? Or commemorating VE day, Remembrance day, 9/11, marking the day a loved one died?

NerrSnerr · 03/10/2015 20:29

We went with our first official date (even though we'd met and shagged before)

FortyFacedFuckers · 03/10/2015 20:43

Me & dp worked together so I count it from the Christmas night out we got together.

category12 · 04/10/2015 01:39

First shag.

AnnaMarlowe · 04/10/2015 01:48

My DH have been married reasonably long time and always celebrate our wedding anniversary.

However we also quietly celebrate the date of our first official date (we were friends first)

It doesn't mean anything to anyone but us so it feels private and special.

Dachshund · 04/10/2015 02:32

We celebrate our 'anniversary' as the day we officially became a couple, so yes it was when I asked DP if he was my 'boyfriend' - we didn't date as such beforehand as I was seeing someone else when we met so it had been strictly platonic until that point!

We are now engaged, and I would like to plan to marry on the same date, as we'll have been together 10 years next spring so celebrating our 'first' wedding anniversary seems a bit redundant!