Difficult situation :S

[AsYourMakerICommandYou]

Not sure if I'm posting in the right section because it's not a romantic relationship in having issues with - it's my sister.
We live about an hour and half apart - not too far, but far enough to be a difficult drive with a 6 month old who hates the car! She has a relatively newish partner, and ever since he came on the scene, it seems like she can't be arsed with us (DH, DD, and myself) unless she wants something!
I only ever get a phone call or text when something has gone wrong and she needs bailing out, or when she needs something. It's getting to the point where I don't even want to answer the phone when she calls because I know she will just be askingor another favour, and then I won't hear from her again for weeks on end....until something else goes tits up for her anyway.
I don't know whether to have it out with her, or just save myself the bother of a family feud (mum is bound to take her side because she always does), or just ignore phone calls and texts and hope she take the hint that I'm not her personal taxi service/random item supplier/hotel!
It's difficult because we used to be quite a close knit family....until sister's boyfriend came on the scene!

How long has the BF been around for?

I think we're all guilty of the whole dropping your friends and family when you get a new partner thing. To an extent. But it does sound like she's taking the piss.

If you were to send her a gentle "Why don't you come up and see us, you seem to have disappeared ever since you got with Tony and we miss you!" do you think she'd respond favourably?

How often do you phone her?

When she phones you for something say you are sorry but no.

She will soon stop calling if she isn't getting what she wants from you.

BF has been on the scene for under a year - it's not just me, the whole family think there's something not quite right about him. Like he doesn't ever come to any family gatherings (like I said before, pretty close knit family). And when he is forced to come, because my sister can't very well say no, he just sits in a corner with a face like a slapped arse and doesn't say anything. Various family members have offered to buy him a drink and what not, generally being nice, and he seems oblivious to it and doesn't attempt to get involved with anything - which is part of the reason I think no one sees much of my sister anymore!
pocletsaviour my dad tried texting her and dropping in that no one sees her (or her DC) now that BF is on the scene, and he got a less than favourable reply...so don't really fancy that either!
The bottoms line is, in stuck between a rock and a hard place, because on one hand, I miss my sister just being my sister! But in the other hand, I'm sick of being used as a bail out!....and then I feel guilty for saying no because she's been dealt some shitty cards the last few years :/

Ooh yes, this is, as you say, a difficult one. I completely understand that you are feeling taken advantage of, but on the other hand, she is your sister, and if she's managed to get herself involved with a nasty man, you don't want to cut her off from you and the rest of the family and leave her to his mercies.

I think that you need to keep the lines of communication open without being a complete pushover. So agree to some requests that are reasonable and not too difficult for you, but not to everything. What sort of things is she asking for?

You say that her partner often doesn't come to family events. If he's such a party pooper, that's probably a good thing, and your opportunity to spend time with her and keep the relationship going without it just being about you doing her favours.

Probably not a good idea to be too openly critical of her or her partner at this stage, though a bit of subtle questioning if you feel up to it might give you some clues as to what is going on with the two of them.