New relationship dilemma

[Shameandregret]

I've got myself in a right pickle. I could kick myself for being a terrible human being but I need to get it out there because I'm driving myself mad. Plus I'm laid up in the sofa today ill so I am constantly trying to figure it out.

I was seeing someone from November last year up until 2 months ago when he unceremoniously dumped me. I fell in love with him. Only been in love once before so it doesn't happen easily for me. I'm 36.

Anyway I was slowly getting over it. My ex is a dick and even though I love him I knew he'd done me a favour because he wasn't a long term prospect. When we got together our best friends obviously spent a fair amount if time with each other. They had a bit of a fling but it didn't go anywhere. Neither made much effort. They haven't seen each other since school dumped me.

Forward to a night out a few weeks ago. I was drunk and ended up sleeping with my ex's best friend. Since then he has been sending me messages etc. We were friends before ex, I met ex through him. It transpires he's always liked me.

Now here's the difficulty as well as feeling pretty terrible about my best friend and my ex (they don't know). I do like this guy. He's kind, messages all the time, he's really funny and I feel really at home with him. Hence why we were friends. But being with him reminds me of my ex, who I'm thinking about a lot. Ex is working away at the moment so he isn't around.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is for some advice. Should I leave well alone because of the awkward situation with our friends? Am I being horrible to this lovely guy because I'm still not over my ex? Maybe he will help me get over him? Fuck I'm a twat aren't I?

No you're not!.

My first thought would be for your best friend.
Firstly how much did/does your best friend like/liked you exes best friend?
If it was only a fling, and you know it pretty much wasn't /isn't going to go anywhere, I would hold off on tell her anything for the moment.

Second, stop beating yourself up for sleeping with the guy, sounds like your ex didn't treat you too well for a finish anyway, so I would quickly remove any thoughts or feelings of guilt about him out of the way!.

Lastly, the question to ask yourself is how much do you like this new guy? if the only reason you would go out with him is because he reminds you or your ex, then don't go there.
Also " the fact, he always like you" park that for the time being too, you need to be clear, if you actually want to go out with this guy, also if it transpires that your best friend really liked him, you need to decide whether this new guy is actually worth coming between you and your best friend!

My bf was pretty clear she didn't want a future with this guy. She is a decade older than all of us and has gone travelling and had plans. What complicates things further is that we've only just got our friendship back on track this year, after a 10 year gap.

I wouldn't jeopardise our friendship but I'm pretty confident she wouldn't be bothered. In fact it is my ex who would be more likely to kick off about it because he has said he still has feelings to his best friend, who told me

Och, it's too much drama llama for me. Reading it back sounds like a crappy Made in Chelsea thing. I can't engage in that.

You are probably using him to get over your ex but life's too short! Enjoy it for what it is.

It would be a bit cruel to use him as your rebound guy if he genuinely likes you though.

Yeah I reckon it is rebound. Stupid thing is my ex was my rebound from my 10 year abusive marriage. Unfortunately I fell in love with him.

It took me years to get over my first love, id say it was limerance (he wasn't my abusive H, I never loved him) I really don't want it to cripple me this time round. This new guy might distract me from that. I do like him but I don't think I'd ever fall in love with him. That's unfair on him isn't it.