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Original poster

How do I tell a friend that I like him, and not ruin friendship?

23 replies

kateandfelicity · 01/12/2006 16:17

Hello!!

This is all a bit of a saga, please bear with me, basically I have been friends with this guy since I was 15, (I'm now 24)... I really count him as being one of my best friends.

I've liked him for quite a while but the things is, he's somewhat of a 'serial boyfriend', he's always in a relationship with someone....

I would not like to try and 'go for' someone who is 'taken' so to speak, as I dont think that is very appropriate...

Part of me would like to tell him my feelings just to that I can 'get it off my chest', does that make sense?

So, what do you think, should I say something, or perhaps wait until he's single (if ever!)

Just worried that if I say something while he's with someone, it may jeopardise our friendship...

OP posts:
corrina28 · 01/12/2006 16:21

tell him. hopefully he feels the same way, or get him drunk and snog him. lol

danceswithreindeer · 01/12/2006 16:21

If he's with someone then you are right it is not appropriate to say something. Wait until he's single. Be very sure before you do it though. I did this once...it took a long time for the friendship to recover (he didn't feel the same way), to be honest it was never the same again. BUT then again...if he feels the same way....
Sorry I'm not much help

corrina28 · 01/12/2006 16:22

no in all seriouness, i had a friend like his when i was younger and we both really liked each other but decided that we didnt want to loose each other as friends if things all went horribly wrong.

Tommy · 01/12/2006 16:22

Don't tell him.

That would be my advice anyway.
If it's going to "work out" for you two as a couple then it will anyway.

Just carry on being friends with him

corrina28 · 01/12/2006 16:23

ooh sorry missed the bit that said he was with some one.

Koshka1984 · 01/12/2006 16:23

whats he like in the other relationsahips?

there might be a reason hes a better friend than boyfriend.

and i fdont think you should try it on while he has a girlfriend.sorry

SantasPersonalClown · 01/12/2006 16:25

Take some advice from someone who spent 8 years like this. Tell him!!!
When I finally got up the courage to tell my friend how I felt he told me that if it had been years before something could have happened but I had waited too long, he didn't want to wreck our friendship!!
He's stil such a good friend that our relationship hasn't changed that much, he's just got married and I didn't have all the heart breaking I did when I had the 'What ifs' going round me head.
Does that meake any sense?
I think you get what I mean!! You'll never get past this unless you tell him straight. If he is such agood friend, it shouldn't jeopodise anything.

MascaraOHaraIncredibleSheHulk · 01/12/2006 16:26

I'd say something flippant like "Next time you're single, you'll have to take me out for a drink" then get drunka nd snog.

He might be a serial boyfriend because he likes you... but doesn't want to ruin the friendship.

Koshka1984 · 01/12/2006 16:29

was going to post something but i do not want to get into an argument. If you think he likes you too and thats why hes been through lots of girls thats fine.

does he have any kids?

Original poster
kateandfelicity · 01/12/2006 16:44

Thanks guys on the speedy responses....

I think you're right, only thing that worries me is that i might miss any 'chance'... hmmm

I guess I'll just wait and see, I suppose if it is supposed to happen then it will

[clinging to hope emoticon]

OP posts:
Original poster
kateandfelicity · 01/12/2006 16:48

oooh, didn't see the dissenters...

I certainly would never want to try it on, while he's with someone,

he does not have any children, however, he and his girlfriend have just bought cats together, so i think it may all be over!

He's had quite a few girlfriends, its not in the sense of flings or anything, they're all serious monogamous relationships.

His sister is a friend of mine, and apparently she and his Mum have hoped we'd get together for ages!

If only he felt the same way!!

grrrrr.

OP posts:
Original poster
kateandfelicity · 01/12/2006 16:57

Koshka,

do you mean pick a fight with me????

what have i done?

K

OP posts:
corrina28 · 01/12/2006 17:00

ooh i agree with MascaraOHaraIncredibleSheHulk

Original poster
kateandfelicity · 01/12/2006 17:01

Corrina,

Yeah, she's got quite a tempting idea no?

LOL

OP posts:
mousiemousie · 01/12/2006 17:15

Snog under mistletoe under the influence - that should do the trick

...you can always say you didn't mean it you were a little merry...

KimiTheChristmasCracker · 01/12/2006 17:54

Dont go there, only a world of pain awaits i know i got the t-shirt

arsenelupin · 01/12/2006 18:54

My cousin married someone at 37 she'd fancied and snogged (every 5 years or so) since she was 15. She was the 'serial girlfriend'. Yes, he'd always been in the background, but it really had been the background, she'd never thought of him as future partner material - but they HAD got off with each other a few times. I'd tell him in a light-hearted, "only joking" , 'Oh, I've always wanted to snog you, but you're never available!' way, but keep yourself safe if he says No (at a party would be best, nothing one-to-one, you can run away with dignity intact). Make sure the cats have a re-homing plan before you leap, though...

boboggglimpopo · 01/12/2006 18:55

Have you seen the latest Arsene Lupin film then, AL? Are you French?

Koshka1984 · 01/12/2006 19:07

i dont want to start a fight with you, no i had a boyfriend until very recently, and this lass who is best mates with his sister started to text him all the time. he did dump me and i think hes shagging her. he still lives with me and our DS.

so sorry, im not the best person to ask.

BUT i did used to be in love with my best mate but nothing ever happened cos he always had a girlfriend.

i was just worried that id say something that would kick off.

KTreePee · 01/12/2006 19:27

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever had was to never go out with someone if you wanted them to be your friend forever.....

arsenelupin · 03/12/2006 19:35

boboggglimpopo,

I'm half French (born there) and teach French culture, so kinda. Haven't seen the film, was referring to that lovely French TV series I used to watch at my grandparents in the Summer... Never read the books, sadly Ditto Rouletabille...

mishw · 05/12/2006 21:15

Go with your gut feeling. 9 years ago I was in a similar position (though I was pretty certain he felt the same way about me). We're now married (4 years) and have two lovely daughters

mishw · 05/12/2006 21:15

Go with your gut feeling. 9 years ago I was in a similar position (though I was pretty certain he felt the same way about me). We're now married (4 years) and have two lovely daughters

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