Very minor :- dh not answering questions directly

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

This is very trival.

Dh sorts out documents as I'm am rubbish at paper work, so why when I ask for a document there is a few questions.

Like tonight :-

Dh where is the paper part of my licence.

Why do you need it?

So I can sort out a replacement

Why do you need a replacement?because as you know I lost my purse.

When was that?

When we was on holiday you was there. So where's the paper part.

Then I get the answer.

Controlling?

Is it always about documents? Because you could fairly easily become not rubbish at paperwork. But either way I would respond with 'since you know the answer would you please tell me' instead of playing along with this humiliating game of twenty questions before you get the thing that you want. Sounds like a power trip.

Or maybe he's just being noisey and wants to talk.

Not everyone or thing is about control or abuse. People do just have anoying habits you know.

If you don't like it just hm say can you just tell me with out the 20 questions.

So I can sort out a replacement

Assuming this is the UK (and that's about the only place that used to have paper counterparts to licenses), the paper part of your license is no longer needed nor valid. You could/should have thrown it away a few months ago. If you have lost your photocard, you need to apply for a new one, but the paper counterpart won't help you do so.

Yes, I know that wasn't your question.

I know the paper part is no longer valid but it has my driving license number on.

maybe he just forgets stuff.

Shit! I've still got the paper licence I got when I first passed 20 years ago. Is it not valid anymore?

Sorry ignore me I've just googled and it is still valid

Is his response like a 'yeah, sure, why do you need it?' or a 'you can have it when I have decided whether your request is valid'? Vast difference there...

I'm with you op. I just refuse to engage if DH answers a reasonable question with a question. He especially used to do it over text exchanges. He now does mostly just bloody answer after years of ignoring. It was really just a habit rather than malicious.

I notice his DF does the same to his DM but she happily plays along with his twenty question game.

I have a photo license which got lost so I needed it last night to get a new one online.

Why not just answer a simple question

He's being annoying but if you were responsible for your own paperwork, you could avoid his annoying questioning all together.

I can't tell from that whether it's chit chat or not.
I definitely ask why you wanted it, because if you never comment or question, you live in silence.

Honestly though - I have little time for "no good at paperwork" types.
and I really think you should work on that. I'd be embarrassed to say my husband knew where my licence was and I didn't.

I do the questions thing too to dh but only because I'm just curious to know.

DP does this and it drives me mad, but I know it's because he wants to help as much as possible and for him to do that he needs to know all the facts so he can approach it the best way. He's complicated in that way but he means well.

He can also do the same thing and sometimes to help I have to ask questions and he gives crap answers so I have to ask another and another to get the information, rather than him just explaining all the reasons in one go.

If your DH does this a lot, and you think it is well meaning and not controlling, then it's just one of his things so you could learn to explain it all in one go thus eliminating the need for follow up questions iyswim? I sympathise that it gets frustrating when you really just need a quick answer, but you'd rather he took an interest in you surely?

I also ask lots of questions. It's because I like to have a complete picture of what's going on and am over analytical (and I'm also very forgetful). I often don't realise I'm overasking questions until someone points it out and then I make an effort to monitor what I'm saying because I know it's irritating to be on the other end. However, I would find the above exchange really frustrating from your DH's point of view as I would want the opener to have a bit more information e.g 'I need to replace my licence, do you know where the paper part is?'.

Maybe you could have a chat about your different expectations.

You're right, it is trivial but I have this and I can’t stand it. It’s really frustrating and it can get me down. It goes way beyond those posters who talk about that style being helpful, curious etc.

Yesterday, I entered the house through the front door rather than the usual back door everyone uses.

“Why have you locked the back door?”
“I haven’t, I came in through the front door?”
“Why have you used the front door?”
“Because my key isn’t working on the front door”
“How long has the key not been working?”
“Since the beginning of the week”
“Yeah right... I've just had to use my key to open the door". (That's basically being accused that the key has not been working for longer, I’ve been too lazy to have a new one cut, blah blah blah and he’s been inconvenienced by having to unlock the door to get into the house. This results in a massive argument whereby I end up shouting it’s not the end of the world because I came into the house via the other door!

And this goes on and on and on and these conversations happen ALL the time on pretty much everything. Everything needs to be analysed, dissected and then lectured on. Or is this kind of conversation something different to what the OP is posting about?

TBH if a partner asked me "Where is my X" I would definitely be saying "Why would I know where something of yours is?" However if we had an agreement that I did all the filing I'd probably have said "It's in the green folder on the shelf. What do you need it for?"

OP's DH sounds a bit strange if he literally can't remember when OP lost her purse though. Unless it was months and months ago? and OP has only just got round to requesting a new one.

binders I think your situation is a bit different and something like that, to me, should not be the cause of any row. I mean unless your OH is on crutches so can't manage keys while climbing the back steps or something? Or was carrying something heavy in from the car and had to put it all down to find his keys? (I'm trying to think of possible reasons that I might reach even mild annoyance about having to unlock a door...)

whatdoIget the paper licence is valid, but if you don't live at the same address you could get a fine.