Help - Had an abortion now hes being strange :(

[khr199]

Hi everyone

So I've been seeing this guy for a few months and we got on really well but things started going abit distant, anyway a few weeks back I found out I was pregnant and I freaked out.

I told him about it and we met up and discussed what we were going to do. I personally wasn't ready for a child and neither was he.

The experience was horrible but he was so supportive and stayed with me the whole weekend while this happened.

The week after I had the abortion he was really sweet, made me laugh, would facetime me and ring me on his breaks and on his way home from work and took my mind off what had happened and came down to see me. He spent the following weekend with me, picked me up from my friends birthday meal and stayed with me that night. Nothing sexual happened that night and then the next night he came round after he'd been with his friends and we chilled watched a film and got in bed. It was literally like we were a couple doing coupley things

On the sunday we did end up having sex which was good but i did feel a little bit of discomfort

Following this now all week he's not rang me on his break, hes sounded bored speaking to me on the phone he doesnt try and make me laugh or anything.

He is coming round tonight after he finishes work and I really feel like I need to speak to him about where I stand with him and ''what we are'' I'm not in a good position at the moment and he said he was sorry for how he was before we found out I was pregnant and that he's changed which all last week he proved it so much by doing all them little cute things. Now all thats stopped

I need help with what I should say/ask him?

I dont want to push him away but I dont want to sound like I'm desperate but I need some clarity on what I am to him

Give him time.

It may only just have hit him what your pregnancy and abortion meant. He has made sure you are ok (as best he can) and now he needs to take care of himself You've done nothing wrong but he may need to grieve.

OK, he wasn't that interested -things were coming to a close, but he stepped up to support you over the termination- and now he's reverted.

I don't think there's a future in it. But no-one has done anything wrong.

but everything went back to how it was, he was sweet, caring, told me its me he wanted etc

he cant toy with my emotions like that after what ive been through

I have to agree with category, it does sound like he was trying to support you and trying to perhaps keep the relationship working but it sounds now like he feels it's run his course.

You should just say directly to him about his acting differently, tell him to e honest about your relationship.

Look after yourself though you don't need this kind of behaviour.

Yeah I agree - it was on its way out and then supporting you and helping you through momentarily gave him a bit of motivation for the relationship. Now that it's over it's not just back to how it was before, i.e. fading out, it's also a bit tainted (sorry) by the fact that whatever happens now, your relationship has had a really difficult thing to overcome quite near the start. I think you need to be really strong to go on and have a great relationship after that and it doesn't sound like you two are. I also think it was a bit shitty of him to shag you when you'd just had an abortion and were uncomfortable - not sweet at all.

I also think it was a bit shitty of him to shag you when you'd just had an abortion and were uncomfortable - not sweet at all.

Yes definitely this. Shitty behaviour indeed!

I assume you consented to the shag though.
Don't underestimate how much a termination affects a man. I had one at 19 and it affected my then partner far longer than me and caused the breakdown of his first marriage - because he felt too guilty to have another child. Also you are very delicate just now - confusing time to be figuring out a relationship

he cant toy with my emotions like that after what ive been through

I'm sorry to say he can, but it's apparent that he lost interest before you discovered you were pg and in supporting you through the termination he has at least shown he's not a complete cad.

Hopefully, you were able to talk to him last night and now have a clearer idea of where things stand between you.