Hi All I am a regular reader, but not poster. I joined recently to support the Syria refugee petition as I felt so strongly about it. Anyway desperately looking to untangle my current situation and find a way forward. I will try to keep it as brief as I can. Was common-law married with two children for over 10 years. One child now ten, one child a toddler. Around two years into the relationship (so almost 12 years ago now) I had a one night stand. DP was very hurt but we had a small child at the time and we were only young (both 23) so we decided (and DP forgave) so we should carry on.
Backstory is my mum was killed in a tragic accident and also lost best childhood friend within six months, also having had a small child and studying for a degree while working full time was a perfect storm of shit and I think this led me to a bit of a watershed "shit what am I doing my life is going down the toilet" moment which led to wild night out and said ONS. Anyway, we moved on. We had some happy times after this which culminated in the birth of DC2 three yrs ago.. I was very ill having DC2 and it placed a huge strain on the family. I nearly died. DC2 was very premature. We coped and were quite delighted with our now complete family.
Fast forward to when DC2 was around 18 months old, Christmas Eve. My DP sat me down after the children had gone to bed and told me that he was leaving me in the New Year. He hadnt been happy for many years. We werent "in love". I was completely floored. We had a tough ride really and bought a house that needed a lot of work when DC2 was just a few months old, that coincided with me returning to work full time, DP has his own business and that was challenging, plus DC 1 at school etc. I just felt we had become a little disconnected. I didnt see it coming. His words were "I want perfect and you are not it". He swore there was no-one else he was just desperate to get away and didnt like family life with me although he did love his children. I just fell into deep panic stricken depression. I felt I had let my children down by not hanging onto him, I felt I had nothing to offer them. I ended up on antidepressants.
Slowly as the winter turned into Spring I slowly with the help of lots of caring friends began to unfreeze and start slowly socialising again. I still had rock bottom confidence and was prone to drunk texting my ex a lot. My misery deepened when he would occasionally sleep with me and give me mixed messages about coming home. Then came the bombshell three months later that he had someone else. Someone he had known for a long time. I was so gutted. It was clear Id been a victim of The Script. He had slated our relationship, our home, our family. He had denounced everything I held dear. Said it made him unhappy... Real reason? Some girl in the background. I was so upset and devastated. He was guilt ridden and after introducing the children to her twice suddenly dumped her and tried to get back together with me. It didnt work unsurprisingly. We had several attempts at reconciliation. All failed.
Christmas last year he was living on his own and having the children every other weekend. Things were sad because I hadnt fully moved on, did have one occasional boyfriend who was more company for me than anything else to be honest but he was still stringing me along that we might get back together. Still steadfastly denying any other relationship. In April a friend broke it to me that he was seeing someone and had been for quite a while but the new GF was losing heart because he kept on about me all the time. I went mad because he had lied to me again. He denied denied denied. Anyway stupidly I took him back only for him to begin using violence. He is claiming to be mentally ill and says I made him that way. He says the only thing that will fix him is if he gets his family back. Only I think he may have pushed me too far this time. I am trying to be happily back together but the light has gone out of it for me. If Im honest I miss the occasional boyfriend I had last year who has gracefully bowed out as I told him I needed to try this one more time for the family I lost. Things are so much more easy going with him.
Ex/Current DP is a deeply unhappy person who is attending counselling and needs antidepressants. He reiterates the fact constantly that it was my infidelity years ago that has made him this way, Is there any hope or should I put the final nail into the coffin and wave goodbye once and for all? Sorry its epic.