I could do with some advice and would like to know if anyone has done anything similar. I suppose there are various issues but here goes -
Dp and I want to get married. We really do not want a big 'do' at all, at first we were just going to go abroad and get married on holiday, just us and dd, but unfortunately lack of funds mean this won't be happening now.
So we thought about having a registry office wedding then a meal afterwards with family and some friends, all done by 5pm. However this became a bit of a headache trying to plan, for various reasons, and eventually Dp suggested just going and getting married, just us, dd and maybe 1 friend each as witnesses.
So my mum and sister would be fine with this. However, dps mother is quite toxic (from reading other mn threads) and when I suggested him looking up the definition of 'toxic parents' after their last big falling out he was taken aback by how well it described her.
For a bit of context I'll give some examples of some things she and fil have done. Like other threads it's often lots of little things that add up, rather than one big thing.
She will sit and talk AT you for hours if you let her, and will pretty much glaze over as soon as I or Dp starts talking. You can't really have a conversation with her if that makes sense.
When my dad died she treated his funeral like a social event. She grabbed me outside the church and was laughing at how they'd used her mothers disabled badge to park nearby 
when my dads coffin was there waiting to go to the crem. Then used it as an opportunity and socialise with everyone there, she was in her element.
When a year or so later she said how she thinks it's terrible that people use disabled badges to work where they like, I challenged her on this and reminded her of the funeral. Was told she would never do that and she blamed fil (whoever very challenges her and who just accepted the blame).
I'm not going to post loads more, there's a lot but I'd be typing forever!
Anyway, my point are this -
First - When dp first told his family ages ago we were thinking of getting married (no plans at all at the time!) the first thing she said was "oh I suppose you won't want me there" and stormed off in a huff. Dp did tell her we didn't know what we'd be doing but I now have a feeling us buggering off and getting married without telling anyone could cause a bust up.
Second - pil are going to give us some money to do some much needed work in our home. I do not want to accept it. Dp however feels he has no choice - if he doesn't it's like snubbing them, if he does I feel it gives them some control over us. So I'm worried about repercussions when (not if) we accept this money.
Ok, I hope this makes sense and would really appreciate any words of wisdom from anyone who has been through similar.
Thanks.