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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Twat at work saying he's slept with me - want to explode

32 replies

Bottlevolley1 · 30/09/2015 23:43

A friend who is a colleague (male) today approached me and asked me how I felt about x colleague (another supposed friend who is a colleague.) I said I liked him, we got on etc. He said, "well I want to tell you that he is bragging to the blokes here that he has had sex with you, you got obsessed with him and wouldn't leave him alone and he had to get the police to give you a warning. I didn't think that was true of you so I wanted to check?"

Backstory is that when x colleague and I first met we were set up on a date by two friends. We both agreed at the end of the date we were not interested. He said it first, if that means anything - fine, and I agreed! That was that. And we've been friends ever since, both got married and had DC.

I can't believe he is saying this FIVE years down the line. I am married now FFS and forgot about him the moment the date ended for years ago, and am absolutely incensed that he would make up this story about me and expect it not to get back to me.

Other male colleague has begged me not to trace it back to him, so I am a bit stumped as far as confronting x colleague goes.

What am I supposed to do?

OP posts:
thatstoast · 30/09/2015 23:49

Start telling everyone about his tiny penis? Or ignore it. Both good options.

Original poster
Bottlevolley1 · 30/09/2015 23:50

How can I ignore it? I don't want people at work, my boss, to think that I get police warnings for getting obsessed with people!

OP posts:
RockinHippy · 30/09/2015 23:51

Do you have an HR or if not maybe a line manager of some sort, - have a chat with them about what you have heard. Best to let them deal with it as then yiu remain professional, they can then get to,the bottom of just how much has been said & should deal with it appropriately

Good luck

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 30/09/2015 23:52

I'd contact HR. It's a vile lie.

Also possibly slander, sexual harrassment and bullying.

HirplesWithHaggis · 30/09/2015 23:54

I had an exbf tell similar lies about me - except I was 15 at the time. My response was double-barrelled, but you can only use one; "If he did (fuck me) I didn't notice".

(The other was that as I was underage, if he had fucked me he'd be well advised to stfu about it. Obv you can't use that.)

Tell his wife?

cozietoesie · 30/09/2015 23:54

I wouldn't necessarily believe the 'colleague' who told you this tale and then asked you not to grass him up. But I'd still head straight to HR.

AfroPuffs · 30/09/2015 23:54

Take him aside..say their is a nasty and false rumour going around and if it doesnt stop immediately you will be reporting HIM to the police for harassment and slander. Maybe even say it in the presence of other colleagues so they get the message. What a horrid guy!

AfroPuffs · 30/09/2015 23:55

Sorry for typos!

goawayalready · 30/09/2015 23:56

i agree HR is the way to go do not confront him at all your colleague will have to back you up in what he has said its totally out of order to say things like that in a work situation if he had just said he slept with you i would say ignore he is a dick (or tell everyone he was a screamer/small dick/limp dick etc) but to say you got obsessed and the police got involved is screaming lunatic territory

DrMorbius · 01/10/2015 00:01

What size company do you work in?
Imagine he said you were a thief, a person who mugged old ladies, had sex with goats etc. Have the same response. Tell HR, tell you manager, tell your DH, tell his wife, his mates. Tell everyone and anyone about his lies.

Original poster
Bottlevolley1 · 01/10/2015 00:04

You're right, HR is the best way forward

OP posts:
Original poster
Bottlevolley1 · 01/10/2015 00:06

I just can't believe the twattery involved. We have so many mutual friends and our families (my DH and his DW and our kids) are friends too. It's just beyond belief he is prepared to fuck up all that with this crazy story.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bottlevolley1 · 01/10/2015 00:08

I feel stupid for thinking we had left all that behind us. We didn't even kiss on the lips on that one date. He texted straight after saying let's be friends and that's the way it has always been. He has never mentioned it since.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 01/10/2015 00:22

Why are you so convinced he actually said that? Just go straight to HR with the whole mess.

RealityCheque · 01/10/2015 00:26

Total bullshit. Ignore.

mrstweefromtweesville · 01/10/2015 00:27

HR. Its some kind of sexual bullying and has probably already affected your status in the workplace.

Whether he said it, or the one who told you made it up, it needs quashing.

Canyouforgiveher · 01/10/2015 00:28

Straight to HR. Let them sort it out.

Amazed you believe the colleague so readily though. Maybe you do because there was always something off about former friend. Or maybe colleague is trying something on.

Either way. HR. if you are a small company without an HR, go to whoever deals with legal issues and tell them this is a serious concern.

Original poster
Bottlevolley1 · 01/10/2015 00:31

I believe the colleague because he is a better friend than x colleague. And it seemed like he thought it was off and he wanted to let me know so I could do something about it.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 01/10/2015 00:32

What if the same thing happened to someone who was young/frail/without support though, Reality?

A message also has to be sent that this sort of thing can not be tolerated - in any environment, let alone a working environment. The matter should be dealt with formally.

cozietoesie · 01/10/2015 00:33

...he wanted to let me know so I could do something about it...

Why didn't he do something about it himself?

RockinHippy · 01/10/2015 00:35

Do keep in mind, that so far, you have been told a story, by one friend/colleague, about another friend/colleague.

The story you have been told, might have been exaggerated, or not true at all, or misunderstood. Or the story may be 100% true, or drink fuelled. The guy that has done this has an awful lot to lose for a bit of gossip & a few ego points by the sounds of it, so it's worth staying calm & waiting to se what the truth really is.

Let HR do their job & sort it out, whilst you remain calm & professional & looking the better person all through - if it's true, that's how you win. If it's not true, then you've acted professionally.

Good luck

mathanxiety · 01/10/2015 01:08

Go to HR and let them sort it out. Don't try figuring out what is happening all by yourself.

At the very least, what you have been told needs to be recorded. Make sure HR records what you report and that you get a memo acknowledging your report.

At worst, your workplace has now become a hostile environment for you, and this is true whether the report is true or not. Do you feel comfortable any more working there, wondering what people may have heard and what they are thinking of you?

SinisterBumFacedCat · 01/10/2015 01:16

Are you Jen from the IT Crowd? Grin

Tiptops · 01/10/2015 01:18

Definitely go to HR and allow them to deal with the sorry mess, regardless of who started the rumour.

It's bullying. I hope HR gives them short shrift.

diggerdigsdogs · 01/10/2015 01:51

HR for sure. Whoever is lying you've lost a friend I'm afraid.