Relationship crisis!! Help

[Teenmammy1]

My first love who I've been on and off with for 5 years!! Has ended things once again! He has cheated many times and on brakes he has also been with girls! I know he is a player but I know deep down he loves me and God I love him so much! We have recently had a baby together and we got back together through the pregnancy. However last week he randomly ended things for no reason, I really do not know what to do I'm in love! My doctor says I have depression I feel stupid and I need good advice, can anyone help? Please:(

I think you should report your post and ask MN to move this to relationships

Hi there,
sorry to hear you're having a rough time, we've moved the thread so you can access better advice.

Walk away from this 'man' and concentrate on yourself and your baby. From your name I am assuming that you and he are very young, and so it's a bit unfortunate that you have had a baby with a man who is clearly not a good partner/father. Don't waste your time chasing after him or 'loving' him: work on making a good life for you and the baby (though it would be good to pursue the father for maintenance if possible). Surround yourself with good friends, get to know other mums in the area, and remember that it's not compulsory to have a man around.

The trouble is with a first love is that you don't have a benchmark to know what a relationship can be like.

To you it's normal that your partner cheats and my guess is that he only got back with you because of the pregnancy, sorry.

Of course you're scared of doing this without him but there are million of women out there who left bad relationships like yours and found people who loved and cherished them as they deserved to be and made excellent step parents. There are millions of others who haven't yet met anyone but only realise now their out of it that the restroom ship was killing them off as a person and have since blossomed.

You could be one of them. He's clearly not man enough for you and I hope you'll see that

In believing that "deep down" he loves you, you set yourself up for years of hanging on to his coat tails and being grateful for any crumbs he's given you while he's been in pursuit of other women.

If you believed that having a baby would bring about some wondrous change and cause him to grow the fuck up foreswear other women and become devoted to you and the dc, you were bound to be sorely disappointed as his track record shows that all you've been to him is a slamdunk means of getting his rocks off when he's taking a break from sowing his wild oats with other women.

If your GP has prescribed anti-depressants be sure to take them and focus your attentions on being the best dm you can be to your pfb. If you have not yet registered your baby's birth don't put his df's name on the birth certificate and do look to claiming child maintenance through the Child Support Agency (CSA) if he can't be relied on to make voluntary payments regularly.

He doesn't love you or his child , or he would treat you better . Look at his behaviour , not his words .

Listen to the good advice you have been given above

As said above, he's your first love so you have nothing to compare him to-if you did you'd see that this isn't love, someone who loves you doesn't shag around, doesn't blow hot & cold, doesn't abandon his child. He sounds like a child, not a player-by calling him this you're sort of romantacising him, please don't-it will only encourage his wankish behaviour.
You need to take off the rose tinted glasses & put on your big girl pants, tell him this is the last time he calls it off-he's not coming back. Sort out money from him for his child as well.

OP - what's a cocky mess?

This isn't a 'relationship crisis', honey, it's the end of a relationship that you should have ended before you got pg.

As it is you've been left holding his baby while he's free to do what he wants, when he wants, with whoever he wants, but that is the price you've paid for believing that he loved you, or that fatherhood would change him, and you're best advised not to fall for any more of his lies or make yourself sexually available to him again.

Concentrate on raising your beautiful dc, work on building your self-esteem, set firm boundaries in your relationships with the opposite sex, and make sure you don't get involved with any more men who aren't worthy of you.

Grief what do you mean "cocky mess"?

See the op's other thread. I offer a bit of helpful advice and get outrageously insulted. Lord knows what mumsnet is coming too - walks away shaking head sadly.

It's not a crisis - it's a blessed relief.
He's a cock and always has been.
You put up with it because it's all you think you are worth.

Do you have any family or friends you can turn to.
This 'child' will not be there for you. He never has been.

Take your medication and get your thoughts back and then realise that you do NOT 'love' this dickhead. You think you do because you know no better.