Is he draining me? Emotionally needy type?

[HeisInfuriating]

It has been pointed out to me that DB is draining me, leeching the life out of me and a sucky soul.

From my point of view he is irritating the heck out of me, so maybe I just don't fancy him enough.... But I do, well, enough anyway. He's smart, caring and so good in several ways.

He leaves a trail of destruction behind him and hugs like a wet lettuce. He has this really annoying tendency to speak so quietly when trying to get his point across I can't hear him.

I've never come across an emotionally needy and draining boyfriend before. Have you? What are their traits and how did it make you feel?

So dump him.

I'm not out to find a life partner, and he has good points. I'm trying to fathom the bad ones. I don't want to be 'picky'

You've got a rather appalling STBXH as well, haven't you? I would suggest that the last thing you need in your life right now is some emotional vampire. If he provides some light-hearted distraction from the divorce proceedings, great. But he doesn't.

Why not just get rid and concentrate on yourself for now?

I don't want to be 'picky' - you bloody should do. Another word for picky is discerning.

You don't sound very fond of him, I think you should dump and run.
Being with someone you actually like isn't 'picky', or if it is, then being 'picky' is obviously the way forward!

Reassuring advice
Yes I have a pain in the arse stbxh

BF is very different but I feel suffocated. I think I can handle a when it suits and having fun bf but I feel guilty if I only place that value on him.

Bearing in mind my experience of men is on the limited side, I'm not sure what I'm reading into BF draining and whether I'm being unfair

Suffocating and draining. Why would you want that? That's not being picky, it's making a choice not to pursue a relationship with someone who doesn't appeal.
It's not like you have to settle for 'not utterly awful, just quite' you know.

I have had a needy and draining boyfriend. Had.

You're not really into him. That's allowed. Just end it: it's not fair on either of you to keep going.

If you want something light and casual that's entirely your choice. Mr Needy is hardly going to be a candidate for that, so cut him loose. But don't waste any time on someone else who isn't enriching your life.

It's not fair on him that's a certainty.
I've been trying and failing to get him to ease up on the intensity.

I feel if he is less intense then maybe it may have some legs. But I don't want to fundamentally attempt to change someone.

Did you similarly imagine that your Ex-H would become less of a tosser over time? If the relationship teaches you to give up on your improvement fantasies, it will have been worthwhile.

quite rightly said Tri

Steep learning curve

Improvement fantasies...that's a good way of putting it. Think there's a lot of us have indulged in those and wasted our time.

Great words and advice from trib.

To my mind, being 'picky' and 'discerning' should not only apply to relationships but to all areas of life where you may be stuck with your choice for some considerable time.

You're never going to have fun with an emotionally draining man and you're best advised to ditch him and look for a guy who knows how to laugh and enjoy life.