Now i have left abuse at work i can see it more in my relationship

[whatisforteamum]

After much consideration i left my 11 yr job where my manager made comments about my looks .age and shouted at me alot for months (he calmed down recently when ppl left and reported him infact he has been nice !!).my other colleagues were mostly nice.
My new colleagues are lovely and friendly.I havent been spoken to badly in a few weeks.This has made me realise how bad "dh " is.This weekend we were car hunting as a lorry wrote my car off (not ideal while settling into new shft pattern)Dh didnt want to change out of his charity t shirt i thought it was best we wore semi decent clothes.He even ranted he would shave when he fucking wanted to at the second garage .I feel he looks ill when he doesnt shave as he is in his 50s.Somehow he can make an effort for his golf mates.He thinks im snobby expecting clean and tidy if we ever go out.This wasnt ever a problem before.
Stood on the forecourt i had a lightbulb moment.He has been v rude resentful and moody for a few yrs.I have given him the benefit of the doubt with teens taking exams..df dying and me getting treated quite badly at work.this is the yr i change my life,new job new er car and hopefully the courage to find someone who will willingly be supportive of doing the chores while i work and think nothing of personal hygiene and his appearance.I am not sure if all men let themselves go after 29 yrs or am i "snobby" as he suggests.

oh thank you dontmindme you are so right.my previously panic attack eating disordered 20 something is now a quite string almost 49 yr old.Excuse 1 of small dcs has gone excuse 2 of security with v ill parents is wearing thin.Being responsible for 3 pple one of whom doesnt appear to care how i feel is dragging me back.There may not be a better life for me but having to constantly turn a blind eye to things must stop.No more being sworn at my new job is proof lovely pple exist.I think letting dh do his own thing will make him happy no being told he is late for work or that his diet is soo poor he will probably have another heart attack.People change and what was once ok is no more :).

strong not string.

i get what you mean about the clothes thing, i don't think it's snobbery.

Years ago i went out with a guy who lived in football shorts, t-shirts, trainers and baseball cap. The only 'places' he went to - his local pub - accepted that. The local pub i worked in didn't allow football shorts, trainers or baseball caps, and despite owning jeans and shirts he never once came to have a drink with or meet me at work - it was asking for too much and was too much effort to change his clothes.

Simple things like going to a (cheap) restaurant, the theater, night out with mates, local museum exhibitions in an evening etc always involved me having to 'tell' him what to wear because he just couldn't compute for himself what was 'appropriate' attire. If we went shopping/into town etc i have to say i felt embarassed. There was me - jeans, trainers/boots, top, handbag, clean face/makeup, brushed hair - looking average. There he was literally looking like that bald guy out of Little Britain. It isn't asking for too much and nor is it snobbery to want your partner to make an effort with their appearance so they don't look like overgrown kids.

Thanks imperial blether his breath isnt too bad now but i used to have to remind him to brush his teeth if he wanted a kiss.Dontmindme i agree.Dh would wear a short sleeved shirt and half decent shoes when we went out in the summer.He looks ill when he doesnt shave.The fact he swears and shouts is far worse to me though hence the fact i am trying to change my life first job then car because i have to then relationship if all is still as it is.Df being so ill makes me want to live my own life while i can :).