Marriage is ending

[VK86]

I have been on MN for years although only been lurking now and again for around the last 3 years.
I'm just looking for some practical advice.
Today DH and I decided it was time to face facts and end our marriage, other than the fact that it's over, and he will be moving to his dad's for a while until he gets on his feet, we haven't discussed anything else.
We have been married for 8 years and together for 10, we have 2 DC (4 & 6) and have quite a bit of debt between us as well as a joint mortgage. While either of us can afford the repayments I know that neither will be able to officially buy the other out, the house is also only just out of negative equity, so while selling for the market value we wouldn't have any equity (and probably not enough profit to pay solicitors/estate agents. And rent for a house would be more expensive than the mortgage.
On the one hand I'm desperate to have a conversation regarding finances and childcare living arrangements etc but also dreading the same conversation as its so final and out with my comfort zone, (we have been living a marriage of convenience for a very long time now)
I'm finding it difficult keeping my thoughts on the same track at the moment, one minute I'm worried about finance, the next it's what I'll say to DC, the next it's silly things like how we'll organise Xmas and birthdays etc.
Sorry this is so long but didn't want to drip feed.
just looking for practical suggestions on opening the dialogue, how to make sure we discuss everything that needs discussed and maybe a bit of handholding along the way
TIA

I would say go to see a solicitor first, get a free half hour initial consultation and find out what your options are.

Ultimately you may need to sell the house and both walk away with nothing and then start over.

Alternative if you think you can be amicable is to sort of part convert your house into two "flats" so you both have a bedroom and sitting area and share the kitchen. This of course would make childcare much easier. However you need to think about what happens when one of you wants to start another relationship...

I think or I'm hoping that DH will allow me and kids to stay in house, with the mortgage as it is, but with me paying it, at least until I'm earning enough to buy him out.
It is all very amicable there hasn't been any affairs or abuse of any sort and I think we just both need to move on with our lives, he seems to feel the same. that's a best case scenario of course, but he has already said he is happy to live with his dad until he can sort himself another place to live, and we clear a chunk of joint debt to free some income for us both. I am hoping that we can do this without solicitors etc at least until we're looking at divorce rather than seperation, which by looking online you need to be seperated for at least a year before a divorce.

Either of you can petition for divorce now citing the other's unreasonable behaviour (this can be trivial incidents of incompability rather than abuse/affairs etc) or you can divorce by consent - i.e both of you agree - after you have been separated for 2 years.

Many solicitors who specialise in divorce and family law offer a free half hour initial consultation which should be sufficient to find out where you stand legally and will give you an informed basis on which to discuss financial matters and child care arrangements with your h.