Stay with him or leave him?

[Katieemilyxo]

Me and my boyfriend was together for two months when I found out I was pregnant ( not planned) we was both 16 (he just turned 16) I was so afraid and he treated me so badly being pregnant he would say how the baby ment nothing to him and he wouldn't care about him, he would make me cry everyday as he would always say he would be there and then not he would say he loved me then say he wouldn't, he would always say it's him or the baby I would always put my son first but throughout my whole pregnancy I had stress and also suffered from depression before I was pregnant he made my pregnancy so hard and I'd always worry about the health of my baby then 9 months passed I have birth to my beautiful little boy callum and he did come to the birth I was very ill with low iron he would look after him for me as I had a blood transfusion and he would cater every need but after I was out of hospital it went back to the way it used go be I don't wsnt him I want nothing to do with him he comes round Thursday to Sunday he hardly exknowledge he's there I have to ask him to help me with him otherwise hell just sit on his xbox or phone at nightimes he won't help out he saids I wanted the baby so it's my responsibly and not his and saids he only comes round to see me not him and he only pays him attention to him to keep are relationship this breaks my heart so much this poor little boy who looks just like his daddy gets no attention from his father and it's pushing me away but I love him so much I feel when my boyfriends round I cant pay no attention to my son as he'll get mad at me which he does he tells me I have loads of time with him when he's not there and expects my mum to care for him when he's here I hate it, I'm so stuck :(

He sounds like an immature twat. It's sad obviously that he doesn't want to have or build a relationship with his son. He does have financial responsibility.

Why are you putting up with his visits? I'd tell him to do one, not to come round, that you don't want to see him and that you'll be visiting the Citizens Advice Bureau to see what your son is entitled to from him.

Then concentrate on your gorgeous son, rebuilding your life and planning a future.

I just feel bad as he's never had a male role model in his life his dad never bothered with him and he only had his mum his mum is a acholoic and ends up drunk most the time and screames and shouts at him constantly he's only had female role models also his two sisters which have a different father to him have been taken away and fostered by there dad's adopted parents so he has no one and I suppose I feel sorry for him he has no one and I suppose it's alot of responsibility for him but it takes two to tango and I'm going to have to let him go :/

How old is your ds? Do you have your own home or, as you've mentioned your dm caring for ds, are you living with your parent(s)? Is your bf named as the father on ds's birth certificate? Are you working and does he pay child maintenance for his ds?

When you say he comes round 'Thursday to Sunday' does he stay overnight during this time?

He stays overnight, and he goes to college my son just turned 8 weeks old and his name is on the birth certificate I had to beg him to be on it as he would say ' your going to use this to rinse money out of me '

And I'm at home with the parents at the moment

OK, seeing as you're living with your parents you are in a good position to tell this joke of a man to do one.

As he's still a full time student you probably won't be able to claim child maintenance from him, but you will do once (if?) he starts working. Don't shy away from doing this - that's money that your baby will need.

What do your parents think of this guy? If you tell them you don't want to see him anymore, will they be supportive and not let him in, etc?

As he's going through alot at home when he's here they counter on him like he's some amazing guy, but behind closed doors he's not my mum has seen the way he treats me and would maybe respect my decision but if he turned up out the blue she wouldn't hesitate to let him in

I realise he's only 16/17 but please don't put up with this.
The lessons you are already teaching your poor little boy are just awful.
There is a 'cycle' of abuse. Your DP suffered it and he is passing it on to your DS.
Are your parents supportive?
If so I'm sure they think this teenager is a waste of your time and energy.

I'm not sure if you are too young but please contact Womens Aid and enrol to do their 'Freedom Programme'
It's better to attend in person but you can do it online.
It will hopefully set you up to recognise good relationships and bad ones.
And 'red flags' for future relationships.

You could also read this book it might help you see this for what it is.

Thank you for all ur help I'll take a look, need to move on x