I have apologised yet its never enough

[BoredAdminGirl]

Me and DP have been having little arguments lately. Either about money or cleaning. I must admit that I can be a little lazy at times and as she can't leave the mess for me to get home - ends up doing it herself.

On a different note, we have a dog and a cat which she insists on having in the bedroom. Sometimes the dog is sleeping inbetween us and she doesn't understand why this pisses me off.

Anyway, the dg pissed all over the feather duvet and mattress last night so we had to sleep on a blow up bed. I lost my cool and shouted "this is what happens when you let the fucking animals sleep int he bed, how many times do I have to say this!" And i stormed into living room.

About 5 minutes later I felt really bad and I went over to her and said sorry, that I shouldn't have spoken to her like that and I shouldn't have taken it out on her. She said I was right, I shouldn't have.

Since then we have barely spoken, she wouldn't look at me this morning!

So what do I do? Beg again for forgiveness or just let it pass?

I find that if I piss her off then she never accepts apologies and makes me stew for about 2 days. The last time I left dishes in the sink she said I did not respect her and she is at breaking point.

Other than leaving the odd dishes I think I am a good partner, I cook for her, clean her car out, buy chocolate and flowers etc. I am sure she could do a lot worse than me :(

Its both our dishes though, why am I always the one who has to sort them out? I do a great share of the chores

Why should she have to be the one to sort them out?

You openly admit in your OP that you're lazy, yet when you are given advice and told to clear up after yourself you get defensive and don't see why you should.

So which is it? Are you lazy or do you do your fair share?

Do you really?Or you do you think you do?

It doesn't sound like you are right for each other - why prolong the agony, just split up. You both sound rather immature and if anyone suggested their pet sleep in bed between my and my partner that would be the immediate end of the relationship. . If she knows you don't like the dog sleeping in your bed yet she persists then I would assume she prefers the dog to you.

It's communication that's your problem.

You need to agree about animals in the bedroom, one way or the other.

You need to agree about washing up dishes. If they are both your dishes, take turns maybe, something radical like that.

Don't shout. It's not a good look.

Yeah you are right, she prefers the dog to me. I will finish the relationship this evening

And I meant I am lazy with doing our chores. But I am not lazy in the way that I leave all MY shit everywhere. I do tidy as I go but sometimes I will leave things for after work instead of before

There's no way I'd let a dog in my bed.

You sound like my dp when we argue over his disrespectful attitude, and lack of help around house. I do 85% of housework, and don't ever get a thank you, but when he hangs out a wash i'm supposed to get on my knees and kiss his feet in praise. But he will argue that he does more than his fair share, in fact, he does most of the cleaning! Even though he has never once cleaned the toilet, the bathroom in general etc. Maybe it's just me projecting.

How much do you really do around house?

Yeah you are right, she prefers the dog to me. I will finish the relationship this evening Oh wait, never mind...

The dog in the bed is her fault though. Dp recently let our dog piss in our bed (new duvet etc needed) and I was furious about it. But he did agree he was stupid and that dog shouldn't be in our room.

Oh purleeeease leaving crap about for your dp to do is not attractive
You want your wife to respect you? Don't leave dishes/general crap around for her to sort.
Perhaps she's tried telling you a million times and is fed up of your lazy attitude so sulking is giving her a break from you?
Dogs in the bed is disgusting imo

Just because say sorry doesn't make a magic switch go so she instantly isn't pissed off with you. You don't get to decide when someone forgives you. Doesn't work like that.

so he has do his jobs to her timescale or else she is allowed to sulk?

If he comes home from work, then sits on his arse for the rest of the evening, unless asked to do stuff the things we have agreed are his jobs, that he should use his own initiative and not have to be asked like my dp does, I can see why she would huff and blank. Sometimes it's easier than repeating yourself for the nth time.

Sorry didn't catch that!

If *she

Can you make two lists of chores, and times to be completed by? If you can stick to it might make your dp feel better. And yes to putting foot down about dog in bed. Be honest with her but not cheeky. Maybe she was snippy with you because she was embarressed? I get like this sometimes, if I feel humiliated I will retreat/introvert.

This is the partner who flipped her lid because you left your hairbrush on the coffee table one morning, right?

Honestly - it's not working. Maybe it worked fine as a couple living separately, but I think your personal clutter/tidiness standards are just too different to live together.

I certainly would never let a dog sleep on the bed, especially an incontinent one! My cat curls up with me but then I'm single and she likes it that way

I know it's a cliché that lesbians move in together on the second date, but how long had you been together before you did move in?

How I look at it is that if I leave a chore that I intend to do later, as an adult living in my own home then I don't expect DH to flip a lid because I didn't do it on his time scale.

The dog urinating on the bed is disgusting and I think I would end up getting a new bed, as no amount of cleaning will eliminate the smell.

You shouldn't of lost your temper, but if it's a one off then that's human nature.