Just need to write this out and get some perspective.
I left a job about a year ago- on good terms, the circumstances weren't quite right but I liked the work. The job has come up again and I have been encouraged to reapply (I do have another job now, just not as well-paying.)
The complication- whilst I was there, I had a friendship with a guy which briefly developed into something more after I left. It just stopped, really- we drifted away from each other. So no big 'end', just sort of stopped- we both stopped contact. He emailed me a couple of months ago- just a newsy email, nothing more, then it all stopped again, and now nothing. Again.
So although there was no big fall-out or drama, and nothing happened to end it other than lack of action on both parts, I was left a bit hurt and confused (and still am, a little). I did like him lots but perhaps stupidly I was too proud to chase so I just left it and went NC (rightly, I think- he just wasn't that into me). The grown-up thing would have been to ask him 'OK, X, what happened , then?' and talk it out but I left it too long and should just let it lie, really.
Anyway- so if I went for the job and got it, we would be working together, although in different sections of the organisation- some contact but not a lot. It's a big organisation- we wouldn't have to see each other much and most contact would be email, the occasional all-staff meeting etc.
So I suppose there are two separate things:
- Do I want the job (Kind of- but some major practical issues around location, stress and so on. I did leave, after all!) and
- Can I work with him again without feelings involved on my side? And this I don't know. I do wonder if I am applying in some mad, unconscious way to try and 'resolve' our situation (although there is nothing to resolve- it's over, I am clear on that.)
He still asks mutual acquaintances about me, about how I am, so I suppose in a teenage way I wonder if he still thinks about me. I am aware of how childish this sounds.
Ugh, I should just not apply, really. I know this but just need to type it out.