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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Family drama llama

6 replies

MushroomMama · 28/09/2015 08:47

It's been rumbling along for a few years but has really kicked off since we moved away from our home town.

Mil friend rang DH the other day with Mil crying in the background saying sil had been going round saying some pretty awful stuff about mil including derogatory names.

Now mil can be a pita but it's not altogether her fault, she's had a rough few years with fil dying and having to move home and retiring plus a long term illness that does affect her mood etc.

Mil thinks sil is blaming her for fil death because mil moved him into a care home. Fil would regular go missing and lash out it was getting way to dangerous for them to live safely together anymore. It wasn't the easiest choice at all but it had to be done.

Mil to her credit has bent over backwards for my sil and regularly baled her out and bought stuff when asked.

Do you think sil is struggling with her grief still? I lost my dad and went off the rails so this reminds me of that. I can't approach sil she really doesn't like me and makes it clear to DH and mutual friends. DH says this happens to much and is done with it all but obviously will continue to support mil

OP posts:
HortonWho · 28/09/2015 08:52

Lots of people struggle with grief but don't go around town calling their mothers cunts to anyone who will listen. What did SIL do when her father was ill and she didn't agree with her mother's decision? Did she volunteer to be his full time carer and have him move in? Did she visit him daily at the home? Were her concerns shared by anyone else?

MushroomMama · 28/09/2015 09:09

That's my thoughts! Well nothing she didn't offer to take him in at hers. We couldn't as we lived in a tiny house and I had a newborn. She didn't seem to do very much if I'm honest mil did all the care from what I can see and DH would go out and look for fil if he went for a wander! She didn't visit him daily no but DH didn't either as he found it distressed fil a lot.

The initial idea of care home was raised by me but it was discussed as a family and there is was no arguement they visited several homes together so I honestly can't understand where this anger is coming from.

OP posts:
MushroomMama · 28/09/2015 12:46

Now sil is sending texts to mil friends asking them not to help mil get about. Also mil took her to task over the name calling and sil is denying it all. I'm so tired of the constant arguments and at a loss on how to handle this.

OP posts:
pallasathena · 29/09/2015 08:22

I'd advise your MIL to get an injunction. This is harassment. Spreading lies about another person like this rings of mental health problems.

OurBlanche · 29/09/2015 12:24

Can your DH talk to his DSis and find out what she thinks she is doing and why?

For example, if she is sending texts to MILs friends, what does she think she is saying and why?

You need to work out what really is happening, stay neutral, make no judgments until you are sure you have the full picture.

MushroomMama · 02/10/2015 13:21

It seems to have quietened down a fair bit in the last few days. I've told my mil if she's uncomfortable to not talk to sil.

Sil is denying everything even though evidence to the contrary. I'm really concerned about sil but she's put a massive barrier in that neither me or dh can ever get through to her.

It's a sad state of affairs really

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