So I've left my husband...

[Usedandabusedimhurting]

As the title says really. After a long time of sexual abuse, and living with my controlling husband. I've left him.

I am currently sat on my friends blow up bed, with my DC asleep between my legs.

We have no where to live, little money, some clothes and a few bits somebody kindly gave us from Facebook. And I have to make a new life for us from this. I have no idea what the future holds right now or even what today brings. My DC is finally asleep but I'm pinned in this position I don't dare move!

I guess I'd like any advice on what to do next, as well as a huge amount of handholding. I can't help but wonder how it got to this. Is there such a thing as emergency grants from social services or similar? How would I go about accessing it and what do I need? I have no paperwork of any sort with me and I doubt I will be allowed anything.

Thanks for reading.

I have no advice for you, beyond suggesting you call Woman's Aid, but I just wanted to say well done on making the break. This is the start of your new life which I hope will be full of freedom and happiness for you. My mum had to do the same with me almost forty years ago, we both went on to have great lives, and you will too. Don't be scared, you've done the worst bit, your life will now improve beyond measure. Good luck!

Well done for leaving your brutish h and please don't be scared of what looks to be the blank canvas of your future as it will soon be full of sunny colours as you create a new life for you and your dc.

Make contact with Women's Aid www.womensaid.org.uk by email now if you're not too squashed to do so and also call later today with a view to seeking a refuge placement where you'll be helped to navigate your way through benefit and housing claims and legal advice from solicitors.

If your h has been violent towards you, go to your nearest police station and ask to be put in contact with a specialist police officer who is part of your regional force's domestic violence unit as they can arrange for you to be escorted to your home under police protection to collect any items you've overlooked in your haste to leave.

I would suggest you also make contact with Shelter www.shelter.org.uk/
who can advise on your entitlement to local authority housing although this may intiially take the form of hostel or b&b accomodation.

I have numerous items of surplus bedding, kitchen and other paraphenalia, and clothing (much of it unworn and as new) that I'd be happy to box up and send to you when you are given the keys to your new home - or earlier if required.

In the meantime, relax - you're free and many happy times await you.

Thank you for the replies. I've started welling up again.

It all seems so sad, I keep wondering if I'm over exaggerating but when I think of going back, I just can't do it. The thought of doing everything today fills me with dread, but I need to do it for my little one.

Thank you, that's so kind of you. Made me well up again. Everyone has been so lovely, so, so lovely to us.

Now I just have to wait until everywhere is opened up to start doing things.

How's it gone for you today and how is your little dc?

I very much doubt that you're over exaggerating the abuse that you've endured as, ime, women tend to minimise their experiences at the hands of abusive men and abusers can be adept at planting doubt in the minds of their victims.

How long will you be able to stay with your friend and are there other friends/family members who can accomodate you until you are able to acquire a home for yourself and dc?

Well done, I really admire your courage. It's definitely the right decision for you and your dc. Please do contact women's aid. Also, go to your local council too as you should be eligible for a council property and high priority. Good luck with everything . So much happiness is out there for you and your dc

Hi, I also left in what I stood up in. Get motivated today, go to the council (at first they will probably only be able to offer you a refuge space), also go straight to the benefits office and make an emergency claim. You will probably have to rely on helpful friends and family at first until any money comes through (I think mine took 2 weeks).
My kids were older so I managed to get a job quickly and into rented but I stayed with family for 6 weeks. I also had the police involved so I was able to get back to the house to pick up belongings with their help.

Massive well done for leaving, it does get easier believe me.

Right. Practical things...

Do you work?
Do you have benefits or other money coming in?

How old is dc?

Find your local benefits office and go to see them. Ours don't need an appt.

Tell them your situation, ask what help ,they can offer.

Apply for any houses that are suitable for you. Apply for any benefits they think you might get. Free school dinners? Rent help?

And help your friend out where you can, so you are not a sponge! Maybe just running the vacuum round and washing up will be enough?

And enjoy your freedom. Dc will be happier with a happy mum.

Hello,

I started this and then things have taken a quick, dramatic turn with regards to threats etc. Police moved us to my mums and we have since moved to a different county.

So me and my daughter are in a hotel which is where we have been put for temporary accommodation, there

I would REALLY appreciate any advice and support. Especially with regards to accessing emergency funds, food banks, anywhere we can get clothing as we have no money, a few bags of crisps as I'm saving them for my daughter to have, and only a few clothes each.

I'm exhausted, I'm so tired, and it's tough, so bloody tough. I'm sitting here just wondering what on earth to do.

Have you contacted your local Womens Aid? I would make that first port of call as they should be able to advise you on a lot of things especially with a view to safety.

Have you been assigned a police liaison officer? Do you know if you have been referred to social services? A social worker can refer you to a food bank service, as can a GP, I think police can also do this but not sure. CAB definitely can so if you could go to a local branch today that would be very helpful.

CAB can also advise on applying for benefits. I would imagine you have been put on the emergency list for housing, so you will need to claim HB when you have somewhere permanent, and probably income support. Were you working before this all kicked off? Was your DD in school?

Keep posting, lots of people here to help with moral support and practical advice

www.trusselltrust.org/foodbank-projects
There's a link on the right hand side, put in the postcode of your hotel, and it'll show you where the nearest food bank is, and the opening times.
The people who run them are lovely, there's no need to be scared or embarrassed about going in, they want to help.

Trussell Trust for the food bank and Women's Aid for clothing. Your social worker should be able to signpost you.

I spoke to my social worker today, she wasn't very happy that I hadn't been helped or sorted much. She was lovely, completely got what the bastard was like and is really supportive. I've got a long way to go, and I think it's going to take a very long time to get over all of the abuse.

I'm down to my last few nappies, bits of food and I need to do some washing!! I can't afford a launderette or similar. Any practical solutions on using things, how to make them go further?

I went very down yesterday, but I'm doing ok. My little girl is fine.

I don't work, I receive DLA. ESA and other benefits are joint.

Hopefully my social worker will help tomorrow!!

Things will get better... How can I help? Please message me your details so that I can send you some things.

If you're anywhere near me, then I'll help with food, money for launderette or doing a load or two for you. I'm in Woking - please, pm me if you're close and I'll help with practical stuff, a hug, a shoulder to cry on.

I promise, you'll get over this short period of uncertainty, and have a future that will be so much brighter without an abusive partner.

Thank you so much, it's a real struggle. Slowly getting through each day to bed time. We've been going out to break the days up, and apparently we are right opposite a park here so that will be good.

I'm not near Woking, but thank you. I'm in East Anglia towards the coast at the moment.

I need to do this for me and my daughter. I can't go back, that's not an option, I just want a happy safe future for us.

If your in East Anglia and have a horseracing connection I can suggest and source of confidential emergency support

I'm relieved to hear that you're safe and, as said above, I have a large amount of clothing including coats, dresses, tops, cardigans, shoes, of varying sizes which are new/as new that I would be happy to box up and send if you pm an address and give me an idea of what size/colours would suit you - perhaps your social worker would be willing to receive a parcel on your behalf?

I hope your sw will liaise with Women's Aid and secure a placement in a refuge for you and dd as a matter of urgency as you will receive the support you need to get you through the coming months and will no doubt appreciate having the company of other women whose stories will not be dissimilar to your own. Your dd will also benefit from the play facilities that will be available to her together with the presence of other dc of varying ages.

I also hope that she has secured an emergency payment for you either out of Social Services coffers or from the DWP.

Please keep well and come back as often as you can.

Are you near the biggest city ? If so I can help you with some bits. i don't drive but would be happy to help if I can.

Hi I'm from Ipswich,let me know if I can help at all.

Hi there OP. We hope things start to get easier for you soon and you're able to access plenty of help and support where you are. Thanks to everyone who has already offered advice and support.

As always with threads like this, we do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Used, you have done the most amazing thing. Be proud. It's very tough for you ATM but you will survive and get stronger everyday.
My mum didn't leave my dad and we still all resent it into our adulthood.
You deserve the uttermost respect.

If you are in East Anglia op please contact Leeway 0300 561 0077 really professional dv charity offering practical support.

If you are worried about your address details perhaps we could sent our help to HQ and they could send a parcel to you ?

Well done though onwards and upwards you are doing the right thing

I don't know which bit of East Anglia you've been moved to but if it's Essex then look up 8 out of 10 mums group on Facebook. They'll be able to provide lots of local info and support.

The local authority should be able to help with access to money for laundaurette, access to food bank. They should have emergency funds for this.

Thanks for all the support. I have very limited WiFi access. Local authorities have put us in temporary accommodation I will phone leeway. I have my sisters address I can use.

Sorry I'm being so brief.

Thanks for all the support